Dramatis Personæ

Singles Wrestlers:

Tag Teams:


This is a new little section designed to tell you all about our commentators and other assorted STWF teamsters. Feel free to use them in your roleplays!
Commentators: Hello. I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden. Play-by-play man and Scotsman at heart, even though I've been told to suppress my accent. But if you want the moves, and all the straight-man humour, that's me.
Greetings to all. I'm Captain Twilight, actively retired wrestler, colour/play-by-play commentator, and member of the Old Boys' Network. I also have an interview segment known as the Twilight Zone, for informative spiels from all your favourite superstars and subsuperstars. I know the score on just about everybody here. You want backstories? You want insider info? You want references to wrestling? That's ME.
Yo, wassup, cool cats. I'm Jamal Tupac Mustafa, da hardest head in da bidniss. I put the "colour" in "colour commentary". You can get all da regular stuff from d'other guys, but if you want da FLAVA, dat's ME. Oh, yeah, I useta talk like dis, so if you readin' old cards, diss is probably me. O' da Geek. Oh well. You'll know.
I don't know what those other idiots said, but this here is Colonel "Pops" Khorne, and the best damned colour commentator in this backwater fed! The old geezer and the mumbling Mustafa have nothing on my sparkling wit! If you want the truth as known by the Rogue's Gallery, sign out those petitions and make me a permanent addition to the booth!
Salutations. I'm the Pencil-Necked Geek, of the Tri-Lambda Group. I may not appear in the announcing position very often because I'm quite an active wrestler, I enjoy a little work on the headphones. My obvious eloquence makes me a prime candidate for commentary, as you can tell. The most intelligent commentary in the business? That's me.
So, I'm Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando. BRAAAAAAP! 'Scuse me. Anyhoo, they stick me in the announcer's booth as a general annoyance to everyone else. But that's okay. It's kind of fun. I may not know too much, but I know what I like and hate. Unbiased opinions? Love of the sport? Belching? That's me. BRAAAAAP!
Other teamsters:
Announcer Lad
I'm not exactly a commentator. I'm known to everyone as Announcer Lad, the under-appreciated ring announcer and sometime interviewer. And I'm good at it! Really! But nobody ever seems to care about the announcer. So if you want to know what everyone's weight and hometown is, and who they're accompanied by, that's me. Or you can just check the bios section. *sigh*. By the way, my announcing was a bit lighter in the past, like this. Not TOO different, but still.
The Kamera Kid
Our camera operator. You talk about angles? He's got the best angles going. Camera angles! (Oh, do stop groaning.) Doesn't say much, sometimes banters with people trying to make roleplays, often fodder for taking a cheap bump. So if you need to refer to a camera man, and you want to look like you know your STWF, he's "the Kamera Kid".
A fairly new hire in this federation, Enrique holds up the cue cards to make it look like the personalities here actually think up the things they say. The TelePrompTer is broken, and until we have the money to fix it, we've got this inept Spaniard to cover our hides.
Chet is our video guy. He operates the Monstron, our large television screen. Don't ask him to display replays too often, or do any more than his job requires. He's kind of lazy, and rather touchy.
Vic the Sound Guy
The third man to fill the Sound Guy role. Our first was Edgar and he left after being attacked by Sally Sleepy-Time. For one week we had G-No, a DJ taken from a local club. THAT went over well. And now Vic seems pretty competent, most of the time. He takes care of all the theme musics and voiceovers. Nice work if you can get it.
The Creepy Timekeeper
Why, or even IF, he's on payroll we don't know. Nobody dares to get close enough to him to ask. Even Announcer Lad demands a seat on the opposite end of the ring; he doesn't mind not sitting at a table. From his snaggly teeth to his cone-shaped hair, from his tweed jacket and tie with no shirt, and his big lolly that he always licks in a disgusting-and-mockingly-sensuous manner, to the black rings around his eyes, we're glad all he does is ring the bell and keep his mouth shut.
The Crack (Fiend) Booking Team
Yes, folks, some matches ARE booked. Alongside the Executive Bookers and UnderWriter(s?), partial credit must be given to "Flush Gordon" (aka Gordon Sully-Kevinson), Patrick "the Finger" Patrickson, and Duth T. Woads. Why else would there be such insanity in the STWF?
The Pyro guys
We don't know their names, but they don't talk anyway. They're those two schmoes you see with the sparklers and flare guns most of the time. They REALLY earn their keep when big events happen and they can spend for the big-buck fireworks (like Roman candles). Pretty battered and bruised, but that's what happens when you spend all your time around dangerous supplies.
The Seven-Second Tape Delay Guys
Again, we don't know their names. If we did, their families would be in grave danger by now. These are the people you love to hate. If you swear, they'll give you a <-BLEEP->. Basically it's a bunch of prudes who derive pleasure from knowing that virgin ears won't hear words like b<-BLEEP->ch. Damn it!
Ratings Man
He's not exactly a man, more like an entity. Looks for any double entendres or upcoming not-nice-ities(?) and rates the show. Will interrupt anyone and anything to let parents know about our content. When you see something to this effect, you'll know that Ratings Man is at work:

This program has been rated TV-14 just to annoy those 13-year-olds out there. Go read a National Geographic!

Oh yeah. That's Ratings Man for you.

Title histories:

Heavyweight championship:

1) The Square (won at Supercard I in 20 man under-the-bottom-rope battle royal)
2) El Spheros (beat the Square later that night because then-president "El Presidente" made their fight a title defense)
3) DOOM (defeated El Spheros at Monster Bash '97)
4) IRONMAN (defeated DOOM at MNT#17)
5) The Executioner (defeated Ironman at Worst Case Scenario)
6) StreetMime (defeated the Executioner at MNT#28 in a "StreetMime's Rules" match)
7) The Square [2](defeated StreetMime at SUPERCARD III)
8) B.F. Sack (defeated the Square at FFF#11)
9) Death (defeated B.F. Sack at FFF#16)
10) B.F. Sack [2] (won Battle Royal at MNT#40 after vacated belt at AA'98)
Intergalactic Championship:
1) The Tiger (won the 75-man Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl in early '99 after a grueling bit with Bohemoth in the end, eventually using Cletus the enchanted cattle prod to score the victory.)
2) Homicidal Hank (defeated the Tiger at Heart-Breaking Hell '99 using the Riverdance of Death)
3) Sergeant Genocide (defeated Hank at SUPERCARD IV in a match you'd pretty much have to see)
4) Dr. Sillaconne M. Plants (defeated Genocide and Mittens in a triple-threat match at MNT#64, with a lot of chaos from outside)
5) The Tiger [2] (defeated the good doctor at MNT#65. Well, it SEEMED like a long time afterwards what with our hiatus.)
6) Bohemoth (after a grueling match (okay, not REALLY grueling) at Monster Bash '99, Bohemoth finally got his recognition as a big-name player by winning the IG title.)
7) Mittens (after Bohemoth retired citing personal reasons as his cause, the joint winners of the B'BB2000 (Mittens and Virago) fought at SUPERCARD V for the title, with Mittens winning out) CURRENT CHAMPION: MITTENS

Intercontinental Cruiserweight "This is not a championship belt but it's close" belt (abbreviated ICCTINACBBIC belt)

1) Trapezoid (pre-Supercard I, a non-existing history)
2) The Organ Grinder (received the belt when an injury forced Trapezoid to retire)
3) The New Olympian, Ben Matera (defeated the Organ Grinder in a pentagon match at Supercard II with interference from Ben Johnson)
4) Pedro Chang, "the Chinese Spic" (defeated Matera at Mexico Madness '97)
5) Colonel "Pops" Khorne (defeated Chang at MNT#13)
6) Stealth Bomber (defeated Khorne at the lumberjack match at MNT#19)
7) Michael Wackson (won an eight-man tournament, the finals at Worst Case Scenario)
8) Tortilla Tito (defeated Wackson at SUPERCARD III)
9) The Pencil-Necked Geek (defeated Tito at IYF: Unscented)
10) The Sunflower (defeated PNG, who almost gave the belt over, at MNT#38)
11) douja (defeated Sunflower at FFF#24)
12) Très Sheik (defeated douja in the Moving Bus Match at Monster Bash '98)
13) douja [2] (took the belt back after MNT's Golden Anniversary. An exposed bolt was involved.)
14) Très Sheik [2] (won a quick match at MNT#55 after douja got tired of being a champion, trying to move to better things.)
15) Jeffrey Steingold (beat the Sheik at MNT#56, nothing special.)
16) Flash "the Mastermind" Flanagan (due to shifty tactics with Grampa's Old Boys, exploited a Hellfire match with 13 guys to snag the belt, at TSO#5.)
17) Lenny "the Force" Baxter (won an essay contest at MNT#60 to determine the title holder after it was vacated due to weight restrictions)
18) douja [3] (defeated Lenny in a quasi-unsanctioned match at MNT#63)
19) Lenny "the Force" Baxter [2](defeated douja at Soft Core Games after douja took an allergic reaction to tea leaves)
20) Bill Gates ("defeated" both men after Windows crashed during a Virtual Reality match between the Force and the Pencil-Necked Geek 21) Tyrone Mayhem (after a tournament, defeating Coma at TSO#20. Bill Gates refused to defend his belt and was therefore stripped of it.) CURRENT CHAMPION: TYRONE MAYHEM (of Faces Inc.)

North American Championship:
1) Anarchy (won the belt in the 60-man under-the-bottom-rope Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl at the card of the same name)
2) Bohemoth (took belt from Anarchy at MNT#22)
3) The Tiger (defeated Bohemoth in a triangle match at MNT#32)
4) Wrestler Smurf (defeated the Tiger at MNT#35)
5) The Tiger [2] (defeated Wrestler Smurf at Asylum Anarchy '98)
6) The Violent Pacifist (defeated the Tiger at MNT#45)
7) Dr. Snare (defeated the VP at MNT#50 after the Pacifist took a face full of fermaldehyde)
8) Luke Warm (defeated Dr. Snare at MNT#54 using a surprise roll-up after entering from the opposite side of the arena.)
9) Dr. Sillaconne M. Plants (defeated Luke at SUPERCARD IV in the rickety-easel match of four people) 10) "Soft Core" Zack (defeated Dr. Plants in a confetti match at TSO #10, with some help from the Three Guys Plus One)
11) Homicidal Hank (after Zack gave up the championship, Hank defeated Francis "Nutcracker" Sweet in a dark match in Rio de Janeiro, shortly before MNT#63.)
12) The Mad Cow (defeated Homicidal Hank at MNT#65 after interference from Sergeant Genocide for no good reason at all.)
13) The Violent Pacifist [2](defeated Homicidal Hank in a three-way match that became a one-on-one after the Mad Cow quit and vacated the belt)
14) douja (defeated the Violent Pacifist at SUPERCARD V with help from Neige Thirteen)

Tag team championship belts:

1) Los Mexicanos Nondescriptos (before Supercard I)
2) The Forces of Justice (pinned them and quickly deported them at Supercard I. LMN have since come back.)
3) The Vegas Connection (defeated FoJ in the third match of a gauntlet on Monday Nae Trous #3)
4) Los Mexicanos Nondescriptos [2] (won at Mexico Madness '97)
5) The Circus Freaks (defeated LMN the next week on Monday Nae Trous)
6) The Warrior Gods (defeated the Circus Freaks at the Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl)
7) The Indestructibles (defeated the Warrior Gods at In Your Face: Worst Case Scenario)
8) Milwaukee's Best (defeated the Indestructibles at MNT#29)
9) The Circus Freaks [2] (defeated Milwaukee's Best at Asylum Anarchy '98)
10) Milwaukee's Best [2] (defeated the Circus Freaks the following Friday at FFF#22)
11) The Techie Salesmen from Hell (defeated Milwaukee's Best in a Sales Pitch Match at Monster Bash '98)
12) The Circus Freaks [3] (defeated the Techie Salesmen in an uncharacteristic squash at FFF#29)
13) The Techie Salesmen from Hell [2] (defeated the Circus Freaks at FFF#32 in a regular old match)

Mighty Bastard Psycho Driver tag belts:

1) The Vegas Connection (taken from the MBC upon its collapse)
2) The Total Annihilators (defeated the Vegas Connection at MNT#41 after a grueling eight-team tournament to get the shot.)
3) The Rhythm & Blues Express (defeated the Total Annihilators in an Out the Window match on FFF#28)
4) The Chosen Ones (pulled a Switcheroo to upset the Rhythm & Blues Express the next week on FFF#29)
5) The Ambulance Jockeys (defeated the Chosen Ones at MNT#52 using the old grab-the-slacks-and-put-your-feet-on-the-ropes trick)
Unified (STWF Heavyweight)/(MBC Psycho Driver) tag team belts - the Doppelcrown

1) The Ambulance Jockeys (were the Mighty Bastard Psycho Driver champs. Defeated the Techie Salesmen from Hell, who were the STWF Heavyweight Champs at the time, in a Unification match to win the Doppelcrown, at MNT#55.)
2) Petey the Peanut Guy and Billy the Baker (after a failed attempt to use a foreign object, this team got the belts by seizing the advantage. Match occurred at TSO#5.)
2.5) Petey the Peanut Guy and Mr. Planters. After Billy retired early, Mr. Planters was given the other belt by Petey...
3) The Head Trauma Boys (collected the belts at SUPERCARD IV in a spontaneous four-way-dance and unified them with their RDWA belts.)

4) The Immortal Shapes (defeated the Head Trauma Boys rather easily at MNT#59 in their first match after a long absence.)
5) Pain and Pleasure (defeated the Immortal Shapes at In Your Face: Soft Core Games
6) Billy Polar and Mittens (defeated P&P in a both-arms-in-a-cast-evening-gown-match-on-ice)
7) The Ambulance Jockeys [2] (defeated BP&M at MNT#68 with a whole bunch of circumstances that you'd be best off reading yourself)
8) The Agency (in a fluke-of-the-millennium, the Agency pull off a monstrous win at B'BB2K over one of the best teams to grace this fed. Good for them!)
9) The Mama'z Boyz (defeated the Agency at SUPERCARD V when the Agency picked SMP's tag partner to be his enemy Luke Warm. With the help of their mothers, the Mama'z Boyz pulled off the victory.)
Undefendable Belt Champions:

1) Coma
2) douja
3) The Rump Ranger (CURRENT)

Old Japan Pro Wrestling Junior Heavyweight Belt (non-fictional*) Holders:

1) The Organ Grinder (who "won" it in a "tournament" in "Rio de Janeiro")
2) Lenny "F'n" Dykstra (who "relieved" him of the "belt" at "SUPERCARD V") - CURRENT

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©2000 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/ Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre