Thursday Something Or Other #7

OK, we're on? Yes, folks, it's been pretty hectic around here leading up to SUPERCARD IV, but we've still got some cheap matches for you tonight. Now DK doesn't think much of our little Thursday excusions, but he books 'em, so any complaints, take it up stairs to the big guy on his high horse.
Whoa, you sound kind of cheesed off Gussy Mac! BRAAAP!
Yeah well, I'm tired of these fans with their signs saying bad things about Thursdays, hey, what do you expect with a shoe string budget, heck, even those come from discount outlet stores. Oh well, let's see what we've got here....two tag matches, aw crap there go the ratings again. Tag match numero uno, pits the newly returned Anarchy and Michael Wackson against Dr. Plants and Necro Phil. Later on tonight we've got the Reno brothers as they battle the former Tag champs, the Techie Salesmen from Hell.
In between those two, we've got Tiffany Lane battling Sweet Candy Andy, with some of his "Candygirls" at ringside.
I've got a feeling that after tonight Andy is going to add to his "stable". I've got some bucks saved up, wonder if I could get a ride on a brand new filly.
Yes, and now there goes our 'G" rating again, oh well dumb kids shouldn't be up at 3am anyway. Oh yeah, before I forget, Death, who I imagine will turn up three sheets to the wind, will take on Percy the Peg Legged Pirate.
Introducing first, from over there, Wackson and Anarchy, and second, from someplace else....Dr. Sillaconne M. Plants and Necro Phil.
(big pop for the "chest enhancement specialist", and the guy who likes his box, and take that as you will, Heidi is nowhere to be seen tonight with that big butch Tiffany Lane some where in the building)
[Since when is Tiffany Lane butch? End transmission!]
***bell rings.
OK Wackson and Plants starting out. Plants locks up with Wackson, and tosses him into the corner, where he promptly begins kicking and punching him. Wackson looks kind of out of shape out there.
Yeah, but Plants put him in the wrong corner, Anarchy tags in, and now both double team Plants. Double vertical Suplex, and yes, Plants makes a most satisfying thump as he comes down. BRAAPPPP.
Gary, I thought we agreed, one belch per show, aw, my God man, what have you been eating?
Believe me Gussy, you wouldn't want to know. Anarchy whips Plants into the ropes and Plants rebounds, only to go down again with a powerful shoulder block from Anarchy.
Hey you, stop doing commentary, I'm supposed to be the smart one here. Anyway, Anarchy with the cover, 1..2..and he got him....no he didn't. Plants just kicked out in time. Plants crawling over to Necro Phil, and the tag is made. Phil comes in wailing o n Anarchy, and Necro Phil with the Semi-Bionic elbow, and Anarchy looks like he's been hit with one of those break-away baseball bats.
Hey, the elbow's Semi-Bionic you know, Phil just has to hit you with that thing and you're semi-out like a semi-light.
Oh quit sucking up. Necro Phil with the cover, and it's all over. Maybe they should make him pad that thing...but that's been done, hasn't it?
The winners of this contest.....Necro Phil and Dr. Sillaconne M. Plants!
Alright! And here we go. First to the ring is Percy the Peg-Legged Pirate. He's 5'8" on one side, and a bit taller on the other, due to an unfortunate slant caused by that wooden limb of his. He's taking on Death who is currently stumbling down to the ring, bottle in hand.
Looks like Percy ain't gonna wait for Death, he goes outside and kicks him in the nether regions with that wooden leg of his. Death goes down like he's been shot.
Percy rolls back into the ring, and the ref is counting Death out. I think we're going to have to call out the Ambulance attendants, not the Jockeys though, they'll probably just hurt poor Death worse. The crowd give a jeering pop as Death gets to his feet, and stumbles back the way he came.
The winner of this match, as result of a dismal showing by Death, Percy the Peg-Legged Pirate!
Percy doing a little pirate jig inside the ring now, with his wooden leg keeping time. Hey, the crowd's getting into this! But we have to move on.
But I want to see more of the jig. No fair.
Wow, listen to that crowd pop now, oh here's Sweet Candy Andy, along with all of his Candygirls, what do you think about them chicks Gary?
Not much in the looks department, most of them, but hey, put a bag over their head, or in my case, a roll of flab, and you'll think you're in heaven, and for a low, low price too. But man, look at what is coming down the corridor now, hot, hot, hot. Honey, you can beat me anyday!

Because Sweet Candy Andy's in the building, this broadcast has been rated TV-14-D, and possibly "S" later on if I've got enough...hold on, let me check. Hmmm, guess not, so we'll stick with "D".
Well, it seems that my broadcast partner has pointed out Tiffany Lane. Let me describe her costume....skin colored sports bra and shorts...with a tiny bit of cloth covering the naughty parts. Hmmmm, oh lets get to the action, this match will be announced according to the "Flash Flanagan" mode of match calling.
Note that Der Kommissaar did not write the following material, and this in no way reflects the views of the Ivory Tower. So Flash, don't complain to me. End transmission!
Here goes. Tif Lane hits the ring, she's punching Andy in the face, ouch, that hurts! Andy goes down and Tif drops the elbow on his throat. Now Andy up and he "bitch slaps" the 'ho, I mean Tif across the face. Tif with the rake to the eyes, and Andy goes down. The Candygirls outside the ring are a little upset. They're all there: Gratuitous Tina, Miss Chlamydia, Sunshine and Gordita. They come into the ring and rush poor Tif, wow, look at all that intertwined flesh in the ring, Gary, where are you going?
I'm gonna get me some, Gussy!!!!
Tif is under all that T&A or Tina as the case may be, the crowd looks like they're all going to explode, oh look at that pair of bikini bottoms fly into the crowd, and there goes another, and another. (time for some extended crowd shots). And here comes the Mason, he comes in, and the camera focuses on him, he's rescuing the now censored Tif from the ring. Wow, that countryman of mine has a big grin on his face. I think our rating just went up to XXX.
The winner of this match....hubba, hubba, hubba.....let me think about it, I'll get back to you in a couple of hours, Tif baby, I'm coming for ya!
Well, this has now become the raunchiest card in STWF history, and on the eve of SUPERCARD IV, I can hear those orders coming in now. Gary's gone, so lets get to our big finale of the night. It's a, um, another Tag Match. (insert groan from the crowd).
Ike of the Reno Brothers is in the ring with Bait. Ike kicks Bait in the nether regions, and Mike is tagged in. Bait is still bowed over, he just doesn't look like himself tonight. Mike shrugs, and kicks Bait in the face. Mike goes up top, and prepares to launch a flying elbow onto the prone body of Bait. Oh, Bait was baiting him, he just brought up his knees, now Switch is tagged in. Switch with the chinlock on Mike, can this match get any more boring, somebody rescue us from this monotony. Hmm, the crowd seems to be pointing to the entryway. Guess what, it's Sasquatch, and Dizzy Desi, and what's that Sasquatch has got in his hand? Look, it's that 386 computer that the Techies gave to him, way back when, outsmarting the Circus Freaks out of their titles. Looks like revenge time. And not a month too soon! It seems that everyone in the crowd can see the duo creeping up on the oblivious Bait, Sasquatch from behind nails him with that massive, ancient computer case. Desi on the far side of the ring, distracting the ref, and the big hairy dude takes the opportunity to brain Switch, who was still going at Mike with that chinlock, the half-human bigfoot rolls out of the ring, leaving green guts 'o 386 behind. Ref pretends, um doesn't notice, and Mike makes the easy, one fingered cover. 1..2..3. Now, that silliness is over, the last pointless match is done, let the weird, wily, wild, happenings at SUPERCARD IV begin! On behalf of Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando, wherever he might be, this is Angus "Vince" "Don't you dare call me Gussy" McMadden saying, this is done, now go order SUPERCARD IV or regret it for the rest of your lives!
©1999 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre