IN YOUR FACE: IceJam
From the Ivory Tower Straight to Your Freezer!
(The Exterior of the Ivory Tower is shown in all its
magnificence. The one thing in the STWF that actually looks like they
spent money on it. Pan interior of a large skating rink inside the Ivory
Tower. Some fans are around, but not many could pass the metal detector
test and are thus absent, or trying to take a peek in the windows. How
they're doing that on the sixth floor of a building I don't
know.)
Hello everyone, and welcome to In Your Face: IceJam. I'm here in the Ivory
Tower, and...Captain Twilight, Jamal Tupac Mustafa, Col. "Pops" Khorne,
the Pencil-Necked Geek and Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando are all in action
tonight! I'd better find some counterpoint.
Hey, I'll help ya out, dude. *snicker*
Yeah.
And who, pray tell, are you?
I'm Ted the Sarcastic Fratboy. From Phi-Alpha-Gamma
house.
So that would make you a...
Don't say it!
Very well. I guess I'm stuck. Do we need a third man? Should I call over
the Creepy Timekeeper, Ted?
*snicker* Sure, man. That headcase is JUST what we
need in this announcer's booth. :/
Very well. Hey Timekeeper, would you like to announce?
Really? Eeeeeehhhh. I've never been asked to do this
before. You're my new friend. (smears Angus' face with a moist
hand)
Ugh! Just keep your hands to yourself...(pause)...and your feet! And
before you try, any other parts of your person. Can we just get to the
pre-game ceremonies here?
Yeah. This douja guy comes in thinking he can
outsmart the Rogue. Boy, HERE'S a winner. And he gets only one question
right, while the Rogue gets a big 5. So instead of five grand, douja gets
an eight-man pounding. Nice consolation prize. *snicker*.
(Rogue's Gallery theme music plays)
The Rogue: Hello, you Ivory Tower freeloaders! I'm here to show everyone
that we've got the POWER, baby, 'cause we own the WORLD! Ha-LA! douja, get
out here and take it like a man. It's only five minutes. And remember,
nothing personal. Just business. Ha-LA!
Oooooohhhh, look at those guys, they look mean.
Eeeeehhhh.
Uh...yeah. It's Khorne, it's Sheik, it's "Crude" Oil, it's the Rhythm and
Blues Express - or should I say the Homeboyz now because of their new
look and what happened earlier tonight- , it's the fearsome
Sergeant Genocide, and the
not-nearly-so-fearsome Aboriginals. douja is coming out here, trying to
get a few more signatures onto that petition.
Yeah, DK is gonna listen to a petition.
*snicker*
douja already received a North American ranking as a result.
That's what I said, DK is gonna listen to a
petition.
You use sarcasm as a means to be right no matter what you say, don't
you?
Shut up, dude.
I'm scared.
No, you're just scary. The Rogue is readying his men...and the attack
begins! douja is taking a tremendous beatdown with those...pillows?
This is some beating, dude. I dunno if douja can
take much more.
Eeeehhhhh. (licks his lollipop).
Okay, Creepy-T. Back to your table. You're not contributing anything, and
the script is showing you're really not going to say much here. So
move!
We'll always have Paris. Call me! (breathes in Angus'
face)
Onion! Ugh. But wait, Très Sheik has shed the pillow and is
stomping away at douja! The Rogue is pulling him aside and some heated
words as a result.
Nope, nothing wrong in the Gallery. Everything's
perfectly fine.
The Exorbitant Arab is just strutting back to the locker room, snapping
his fingers. Who knows what this could mean for the Gallery? Or douja for
that matter. Those Aboriginals are really having fun with these pillows,
and I've never seen Colonel Khorne laugh so hard.
He's the life of the party. *snicker*
The five minutes are up in 5...4...3...2...1...and they stop.
Well, douja, looks like you passed the initiation!
Take a T-shirt, 'cause you're a Gallery-ite now! Don't worry about the
Sheik now, we'll get that settled in time.
douja: Uhhh....thanks yo.
And for the rest of you sub-simian trash in the
stands, just remember...Ha-LA!
He sure has a way with words. *snicker*
I think so.
That's what I said.
It's going to be a long night.
Now before we went to air, we had a dark match and we'd like to show you
some of the highlights. Billy the Baker, the "Baked <-BLEEP->ss" ...I
mean, "Baked Behind", and Petey the Peanut Guy, "the Roasted Peanut", took
on the Unlikely Alliance (in VP and Sir Hungalot form) in the hopes of
getting in the tag team ranks. And did they ever! The VP was in top form
tonight, obviously prepared to climb that rickety easel and make a good
shot at the NA belt. Sir Hungalot just couldn't focus tonight.
You could say he couldn't get it up for the match.
*snicker*
Yes, thank you. Good point. It was the Roasted Peanut who pulled off the
victory, slapping on the Peanut Buster Parfait - ironic punishment for the
knight in latex armour. But if you take a look at this hurricanrana that
the Violent Pacifist put on Mr. Planters at ringside? Wow.
What about this weak snapmare? THERE'S an impressive
move.
How did the no-sold moves get in the highlight reel? Well, that's not
important now. What IS important is...the IceJam! So let's get ready to
JAM! Here's Announcer Lad to give us the rules of IceJam.
Huh? There's rules now? I wasn't informed of this.
(is handed cards). Oh...THOSE rules. Silly me. Okay. There are 12 IceJam
teams. Matches will be done in sets of three. The objective is to lap your
opponents as many times with your "jammers". Is this right? Oh LORD. You
may prevent other teams from doing so with your "blockers", using any old
wrestling moves you like.
Points are scored by each member of an opposing team being passed by a -
*shudder* - "jammer". After the winning teams advance, there will be a
semi-final match with two teams and a final match with two teams. The
winning IceJam team gets...uh...I'm missing that card. Do they get
anything?
I believe they receive lovely commemorative plaques, season passes to all
the Ivory Tower facilities...
Really? COOL!
But wait, there's more! They also get this cool set of Ginsu knives.
Japanese knives are the best in the world!
OddJobber: Oi! Would they be be'ah than our English knives?
Organ Grinder: Besser than our Cherman knives?
Oh, yeah, so put THAT in your pipes and smoke it, you jobbers! And
finally, at Executive discretion, we might actually hand out some title
shots!
I can see Tony Bascere getting a shot now.
*snicker*
Okay, who do YOU like in this event? Seriously, not sarcastically now.
Well, you gotta like the Hubcap Gang even though
they have two losers and someone with ring rust.
The Rogue's Gallery or the Inner Circle would be good choices but there's
dissension now.
Club Med's got a girl, GOB has a bunch of geezers,
and the Alliance has BILL...
And can we even discuss the dregs of the independent teams? You have to
wonder if the good members can cover for the bad ones.
So it's settled. We're in for one great pay-per-view
alright. *snicker*
I suppose so, Ted, I suppose so. Our first match up: The Inner Circle, the
Asylum Alliance and the independent team of the Violent Pacifist, Petey
the Peanut Guy and Billy the Baker, Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando, and
Death. Earlier on, we got this tape from the Ivory Tower regarding
Death.
(Camera opens on one of the few STWF executives in
the Ivory Tower. Not the Executives, mind, this is some nameless schmoe
with no real brass. The executive looks tired and weary. He is discussing
something with a man seated in a chair that is just out of view of the
camera.)
executive: So, you now understand what WE here want from you?
Unseen Man: Yeah, you want my help.
executive: Indeed, and with your help we can take the STWF to new heights.
I will give you a couple of days to think about the offer the others
involved, and I, have made to you.
Unseen Man: I have worked for this company for a little while now. This
may be just what I need to make a bigger impact than I did with my first
coming.
executive: Sounds like you may have already made up your mind.
Unseen Man: Possibly!
(with that the Man gets up and leaves. All that is seen
is that he is dressed in a full black suit...the camera
fades.)
Good one, bright boy, we weren't supposed to know
that was Death!
I guess I have a lot to learn, even from Sarcastic Fratboys.
Especially...
Don't say it!
Don't say Phi-Alpha-Gammas? Okay, all teams are ready to go. The "pack"
has been clumped. Our quote-unquote "jammers" are as follows: For the IC,
it's Tyrone Mayhem and J. Fred Kokomo, Jr. For the Asylum Alliance it's
BILL and ThatGuy. For the Independent team it's Petey the Peanut Guy and
Billy the Baker! Everyone is ready to...
***whistle blows.
The jam-clock has been started. That's real raspberry jam we're using on
that clock, and once it all runs off and into the bucket, we're stopping
the clock. And they're off! J. Fred Kokomo Jr. takes an early lead; he's a
pretty good skater for a monkey. Hot on his heels is Billy the Baker and
ThatGuy. Petey the Peanut Guy is next, but BILL seems to have intertwined
skate laces with Tyrone Mayhem! Tyrone is trying to get loose, and - oh! -
BILL takes a cut right across the jaw.
He's hardcore, he can handle it.
*snicker*
J. Fred is coming close to lapping the pack. Bohemoth and Gary the Glutton
sandwich him between their massive bellies!
Organ Grinder: J. FRED! NO! You cold-hearted bastards!
The Organ Grinder, pounding away on Bohemoth. Bohemoth with a big
belly-to-belly and pounds the OG into the ice. The Tiger pulls him back
up. Prisoner X is elbowing Billy the Baker, trying to prevent a lap. Petey
is gaining speed, and Billy gives him the big Irish whip! Look at him go!
He's passed just about everyone. But big Sasquatch just picked him up and
powerbombed him onto the boards! He was so close. Billy the Baker seizes
the opportunity and squeaks through. Death and Tyrone Mayhem are going at
it now, and Mayhem pulls out his collapsible crobar to give Death one at
the back of the noggin!
He's still got that thing?
More to the point, he's still in the STWF? Homicidal Hank and the Tiger
are teaming up to try and get Billy the Baker, but he just placed his
hands on his hips.
Meaning what exactly?
That the clock has been stopped and this match is over!
He can do that?
Apparently. He WAS in the lead, after all.
Who makes up this crap?
Southerners.
Didn't see THAT one coming.
Amazingly enough, an Independent team has moved on to the semi-finals! And
two stables are out of this game. Who knows what this could mean for the
game?
Can we just get on with this? Asking too many
questions actually forces me to think about stuff.
Very well. The next IceJam teams are the representatives of the Hubcap
Gang, Club Med and get THIS independent team - Billy U. Badd, Sister
Muffy, the Mad Cow, Big Buck Johanson, and "Flash" Flanagan. Flanagan has
been drawing major heel heat both from the audience and the wrestlers
backstage. Will they be able to coagulate as a team? Will Flanagan try to
steal the spotlight? What about the Antler Factor from Johanson?
What'd I just say about questions, dude?
Our "jammers" are Claude Leroux and StreetMime, Nurse Heidi and Sillaconne
M. Plants, Billy U. Badd and "Flash" Flanagan. Thoughts, Ted?
Yeah, one. Do you think the Professor ever got it on
with Ginger?
This PPV has been...oh, heck, it was a harmless
comment.
Remind me never to ask a Fratboy for his thoughts again.
***whistle blows.
Flash and Claude break out of the pack immediately! Claude Leroux is
acting as a blocker, he dropkicks Flash in the back!
That's what you get for pissing a bunch of guys
off.
Quite true. Flash is down, but not out! Meanwhile, Nurse Heidi is skating
well and causing the rest of the pack to collapse into complete chaos!
Easy on the alliteration, dude.
I do have a name, you know. Claude and Flash are ready to lap. Billy U.
Badd has just taken a whip from the Mad Cow, and he hits the wall instead
of actually turning! Oh well. StreetMime moves out of the pack, but it
seems too little too late. Sister Muffy in her masculine-yet-beautiful
tube top and shorts and Big Buck Johanson both clothesline him to
oblivion.
StreetMime: :(
Garry Greene just nudged Luke Warm! There he goes. He's a stonecutting
machine!
YEAH! YEAH! STONECUTTER ME, LUKE! STONECUTTER ME!
(holds up a "STONECUTTER ME LUKE" sign)
Luke Warm: Okay...
I can't believe it! Luke is actually hopping the boards to comply! Ted the
Sarcastic Fratboy gets a Stonecutter! I think he's out of it completely.
Was it worth it, Ted?
Yeah, dude. Totally. Just don't let me swallow my
tongue.
I won't make any promises. Nurse Heidi lifts up her skirt...
This PPV has been rated TV-14. Send your kids to
bed. The boys already have enough material to work with as it is
now.
Just about everyone falls. "Flash" and Claude Leroux expertly skate around
the fallen bodies. And the jam has all run off the clock. Well, Flash and
Claude scored an equal number of points...but I do believe StreetMime gets
the deciding vote for lapping Billy U. Badd. So the Hubcap Gang moves
on!
(bubbles at the mouth)
If you have nothing important to say, just lie there in a stupor please.
It's time for the next match, as we'll see the Rogue's Gallery and two
independent teams. Lenny Baxter, Jean Bannister, Jeffrey Steingold, douja
and Tony Bascere...and Slick Willy, Switch, Sugarplum Harry, Sister
Deloris and Ricky "DOOM" Johnson.
Huh huh...Dick Johnson.
Quiet! (picks up a lead pipe from offscreen and hits Ted with it.)
I'll point out that the Gallery is fighting a team with douja.
Wait a minute! douja is skating for the Gallery, and now Très Sheik
is on the independent team! What the heck? Nay, what the HELL?
***whistle blows.
douja and Khorne are jamming for the Gallery. The other jammers are
Steingold, Jean Bannister, Switch, and Sister Deloris. What is Sister
Deloris wearing? She has a ton of rosary beads wrapped around herself.
Let's hope she doesn't trip and lose them.
Hope....she....trips....
I said QUIET! Wait, where are Tony Bascere and Slick Willy?
What? They were let go? Okay, I guess that means the independent teams are
all down one. Colonel Khorne moves into the lead, but here comes Jean
Bannister, skating like the pro he was! Sort of. Switch dekes in and out
of the pack, and he's out in front now. Bannister headbutts him and keeps
moving. douja is skating the wrong way! Someone turn him around! He meets
up with Jean Bannister and takes out his knee. Bannister is down! He's
down! Down, I tells ya! Sugarplum Harry chases after douja, and
Très Sheik is making his move. Sugarplum Harry as we all know has
experience from his Match On Ice with El Spheros way back when. Sister
Deloris takes a string of beads off her garb and starts strangling both
Homeboys with them! But why? WHY?!
*snicker*
Hmph. DOOM and Sergeant Genocide mixing it up. Genocide with a piledriver
on the ice, and we now have a hole to contend with here. Switch meanwhile
has lapped the pack, but douja's on his second go around, with his
reversal tactics. Harry tries to splash him but fails. douja at least
remembers to put his hands on his hips. What a stupid rule! Well, the
Rogue's Gallery advance. And the rule has now been implemented: all the
skaters must skate the same way.
Yeah. Last....match...dude...
Something like that, it's the last match of the first round. It's Grampa's
Old Boys, it's Snare/Big Sir/Friar "Buck"/the Pencil-Necked Geek/the
absent Beachman, who won't be showing... and we've got Sweet Candy
Andy/Buzz Redwood/the Bully/Bait and the special mystery entrant...
here he is now...
"Electric Avenue" by Eddy Grant plays - on bagpipes.
A rich-looking man in a kilt and a diamond stickpin enters. If you've been
paying attention, it's the Mason.
I...wanted...a Reno....dude...*snicker*
If you're going to sell the Stonecutter, sell it. If you're not, just sit
back up here and comment normally.
I don't need this lip from YOU, dude! I'm gonna do
my own thing. Forget YOU, man. (walks off)
You can't walk across the rink! The match is...
***whistle blows.
I can't believe this! Ted the Sarcastic Fratboy has just wandered onto the
ice. Snare's team is asking him to replace Dan "the Beachman" Smith. He
has no choice with those folks. Captain Twilight and Irving Goldstein are
doing a skaters' waltz around everyone else - who'd have guessed they'd be
so good? Oh, but the Bully just levelled both of Grampa's Old Boys'
"jammers". He just cracked his commode over the head of Captain Twilight!
Grampa's Old Boys won't be advancing. They get off the ice. The
Pencil-Necked Geek and Bait are sprinting out of the pack. They can't help
but help each other out here! It's stable mentality kicking in! Ted the
Sarcastic Fratboy just fell into the hole made by Sergeant Genocide's
piledriver. No one is making a conscious effort to free him, and why
should they? He was nothing but a nuisance, and a...can I say it now? I've
been wanting to since the beginning...<-BLEEP->. Darn you, Seven-Second
Tape Delay Guys! Working on a PPV even! He's a Phi-Alpha-Gamma, the joke
is begging to be said! Oh well, no use complaining. The Mason is paying
off the other team to take a dive, it looks like. And the Candyman is
throwing in some of his services! See, over there? Gratuitous Tina, Miss
Chlamydia, and Sunshine the stewardess. Maybe there's some stock in this
"mystery entrant" after all.
The Mason: You better believe it, laddie.
Don't take that tone with me! I'm a Scotsman just as you.
The Mason: Aye...ye lowlander.
*grumble grumble grumble* He had to play the "lowlander" card. The
Pencil-Necked Geek is slowing down to get that money, and none of Dr.
Snare, Sir Hungalot or Friar "Buck" are making any attempts to stop Bait
and the Mason. They keep skating on as if nothing was happening. The jam
on the clock has all run off...this match is over! The team with the
"mystery opponent" has actually advanced! What an odd turn of events that
was.
I'll say.
Hello Captain. So glad you could make it.
Well, we tried. And that's all we can say. So, I see
the Hubcappers are up first against VP's team. It was pretty anxious at
first with Petey and Billy as bitter enemies at the time of the drawing,
but now that they're partners, that team has a serious chance of
winning.
Good point. Ted the Sarcastic Fratboy couldn't hold a candle to you.
***whistle blows.
Must we have that infernal whistle?
Go ahead, take it away from the Creepy Timekeeper, I won't stop you.
Never mind.
StreetMime is up and on crutches for this round, so Jamal Tupac Mustafa
will replace him as the second "jammer". Everyone on the independent team
is doing just fine.
StreetMime has just snapped! He's taking out absolutely EVERYONE with his
crutches! The crowd is loving it! Meanwhile, Jamal Tupac Mustafa and
Claude Leroux have begun their lapping. Billy and Petey are trying to fend
off the Mime's blows.
But why is StreetMime doing this? What does he
want?
StreetMime: (points at Captain Twilight, takes off his striped shirt to
reveal an "I'm Not a Heel, Damn It!" T-shirt.
Oh no, don't tell me StreetMime wants to take on
"Flash" Flanagan too!
Say what you will about Flash, he can draw heat, and he's actually made
the STWF quasi-interesting. Whether he can win or not is beyond me. Petey
is moving off, but Billy gets a STONECUTTER! STONECUTTER! STONECUTTER!
Just one, right? Oh yeah, what's with this
sign?
Don't hold it up! Cap, no!
Luke Warm: Boy, my work is never done. But ask and ye shall
receive.
Captain Twilight just took a STONECUTTER! It's such an impressive move,
you can't use lowercase letters for it! Nosireebob! Jamal Tupac Mustafa is
first to rejoin the pack. Death just tosses a mickey in his eyes!
Death: I was saving that for after the show, too. You'll pay for
that!
Gary Gourmando holding back Jamal. It's that commentator's professional
jealousy, isn't that right, Cap?
Help...me...
You're in luck, here come the Ambulance Jockeys. Here come the Newbie Age
Outlaws! But Sack and StreetMime are holding them off nicely. A SackHammer
is applied! Yes, StreetMime is down. Hmm...a little misplaced if you ask
me. Claude Leroux is last to join the group. Billy the Baker pulls out his
Satanic rolling pin and clobbers everyone in his path, friend OR foe! Put
your hands on your hips, Billy!
Billy: What, you mean like this?
This match is over! The independents have won yet again! We're running out
of time, I hear the Right Hand Man has reserved this rink for a date! I
hope he doesn't mind the hole in the ice that we made. Whoops.
Wassup, V?
No'much, m'brother.
Hmph. Wigger.
Our second semi-final will determine who takes on the Violent Pacifist and
the Newbie Age Outlaws, Death, and the Fattest Icon in Wrestling(TM).
It's the Rogue's Gallery vs. the "mystery team". douja wasn't feeling
well, and his Gallery contract has yet to be signed, so his replacement
will be Hector "Crude" Oil.
Dey can do dat?
We're not going to question a guy with a Billionaire's backing.
The Mason: I'm almost a billionaire...give me time!
Okay, okay.
***whistle blows.
"Crude" Oil literally slips past the competition - on his belly! Oh, wait,
he just fell in the hole, where Ted the Sarcastic Fratboy is still
freezing to death! Good thing oil and water don't mix, Hector managed to
exit with ease.
How m-m-m-many t-t-times have I heard
th-th-that?
What a Phi-Alpha-Gamma.
I couldn't have said it better myself. Elwood and C.P. (who have now
forsaken the names Rhythm and Blues...), those Homeboyz are taking down
Buzz Redwood and
Sweet Candy Andy systematically. And their FUBU gear just looks so
spiffy!
I dunno if I can respect 'em fo' dis.
I would think you'd be ecstatic.
Well, dey look cool, but da Motown sound, y'all
can't abandon dat!
Perhaps. Col. Khorne is fumbling around, while Bait and the Mason are
doing well, but Crude Oil is slipping and sliding like a Wet
Banana(R).
...
Oh no you don't.
He can't put his hands on his hips when they're out in front like that.
The jam is almost run off the clock.
Yo, is that raspberry? My fave!
Please don't eat the jam clock, Jamal.
Come on, man, I ain't eaten all day!
Jamal is destroying the jam clock, I don't know HOW we're going to call
this match. Crude Oil has lapped everyone at least three times. Okay, the
ref is saying since the jam isn't there anymore, the match is over.
Let's take a five-minute break, and get ready for
our final match! The Rogue's Gallery! The Independents! Ohhhhh daddy, the
Mega Match is upon us!
Y'all have GOTSTA be kiddin'.
While we're waiting, let's show you what prompted the Rhythm and Blues
Express to become the Homeboyz! It's an interesting vignette.
It IS?
(Interior of the ROGUE's Gallery locker
room)
Très Sheik: Look at you guys! You two plan on representing the
Gallery like that?!
Rhythm: What do you mean, Daddy-o?
Sheik: That's just it. "Daddy-O"? Who uses that anymore? Nobody!
And look at those Afros! Okay, those may have worked for the
Temptations thirty years ago, but today they're highly passé!
Blues: Man, you've really gone bonkers!
Sheik: Bonkers?!? Have I?!? Look at this!
(Sheik throws over a catalogue containing Tommy Hilfiger's 1999-spring
collection)
Rhythm: But these people don't look like they can dance in
synchronicity!
Sheik: That's the point! This is the trend! People are into the whole
faux-badass rapper thing and I believe they like their wrestlers to
represent this!
Blues: Badass rappers? Doesn't that gimmick belong to your nemesis
douja?
Sheik: Yes in a way, not exactly, he's just a pothead, but that's not
what I want from you, and you
couldn't pull that off anyway. Just look at those models. They're
not really hardcore rappers; they just ripped off the look, mass-produced
the culture by putting their clothes on every store rack and
advertising billboard they could find, and stuck their designer logo
on a prominent part of every garment they create for name recognition!
Those models aren't rappers; I bet you they're really Johnny Mathis
fans! I bet you those models never even smoked weed!
Rhythm: Oh.
Sheik: Well, if you guys are truly going to represent the Gallery in
style, I want you to represent this faux-rapper style. I want to see
you wearing Tommy or Nautica labels on everything, and I mean
everything! I want you guys using these trendy catchphrases like
"Props" and "Don't even go there"! And most of all, you just HAVE to
change that out-of-date name of yours!
Rhythm: To what?!?
Blues: Yeah! Berry Gordy gave it to us!
Sheik: Well the times have changed, and so too will your name! Let's
see: we need something that won't be too vague for the general
public, yet will still reflect the whole rap culture. Something not
vulgar, yet still connoting this hardcore rap attitude. Something
that will look nice and immediately recognizable on merchandise...
Hmmmmm.......I've got it! The Homeboyz!
Rhythm: The Homeboyz?
Sheik: Yep! What do you think!
Blues: I think I'm going to be sick!
(Blues runs to the bathroom)
Rhythm: You really think we'll get a push from this?
Sheik: If this won't help you, nothing will! Look I got your outfits
ready for tonight's IceJam!
Rhythm: Oh boy. What have we gotten ourselves into?
Wasn't DAT interestin',V. Dey just sold
out.
And isn't that a wonderful wrestling cliché?
Well yeah, but...
Enough said!
***whistle blows.
The Independents have actually tried another tack. The "jammers" will now
be Gary Gourmando and the Violent Pacifist?
Dat IS inneressin'.
Crude Oil was so successful last time that he'll be used again, as well as
Elwood P. Crude Oil slips and slides, but Gary Gourmando is
actually hanging on to him! Crude Oil has slowed to a crawl. And now he's
stopped. Death smashes an empty whiskey bottle on Hector's head, and gives
him a moonsault on top! They're down to one jammer now. Can Elwood P. "do
dis", as it were?
Quit usin' our phrases, honky!
Oh no you didn't! No you didn't, b<-BLEEP->ch!
(A sissy slapfight has occurred at ringside)
(Here's how the rest of it goes down, because there's no commentators
around. So, with Crude Oil out of the picture, Gary and the Violent
Pacifist started skating around. Elwood P. was about in line with the VP
and Gary of course was sluggish at best. All of a sudden, "Flash" Flanagan
came in with twin chairs and started trying to crack the ice. Not a good
way to win friends and influence people. He was doing quite well, and
Billy the Baker took a plunge. Afterwards, Luke Warm and the Tiger came
out - TOGETHER, mind - and cleaned house on the Rogue's Gallery. After the
smoke had cleared, only the Violent Pacifist remained intact - "being
above all the mayhem" and not getting involved. He skated gingerly past
everyone and placed his hands on his hips to end the match, thus having
his team win. For all the incapacitated commentators, I'm the disembodied
narrator voice saying, Thanks for ordering IceJam, and
goodnight!)
©1999 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo
Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre