(The interior of Slobberknocker Arena is shown to the world as a handful of fans who've been camped out for months sit in utter excitement as the long LONG awaited Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl is about to start.)
Hello again, everyone, and welcome to the first, and very overdue, STWF broadcast of the new
Millennium! I am, as always, Angus "Vince" McMadden, and with me, as always, Captain Twilight!
Hi again folks. Looks like it's just us in the announcing booth tonight, what with everyone else being involved in the card and all.
All the proof that you need that this will be the BEST BUNKHOUSE 'BLI-
I hope you get your E-mail address broadcast over the Internet for this one, Angus.
Right. Well folks, we've got one heck of a show for you here tonight! The brawl starts in just a little while, but first, let's talk about the rest of the card!
The rest of the card is inconsequential. This is the IG title we're talking about here. You may recall that Bohemoth retired from wrestling while the belt was still around his... well.. it never really fit around his waist, but he was the champ when he retired.
Exactly. That's why this year there will be TWO winners! The last two competitors in the ring will square off at SUPERCARD V for the Intergalactic Championship! And what a match it will be!
Let's just see who ends up in the ring at the end of it all before we make a promise like that.
Fair enough. But here's what else we've got for you tonight folks- the Rump Ranger making his ring debut against OddJobber!
As I understand it, his original opponent refused to participate in the match... something about not fighting anyone who calls himself that.
Well, OddJobber certainly doesn't mind. And what a match that promises to be!
Are we talking about the same match?
Next up is a big tag team title match as the Ambulance Jockeys take on The Agency! And you can bet there's going to be some great action there!
Again, I ask you....
And we have a special announcement from The Right Hand Man about the status of the ICCTINACBBIC title! And what about it? Does Bill Gates have the right stuff to be a fighting champ?
I'm not really crazy about any of this. Let's go to the first match.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a "debut" match set for one fall. Already in the ring to my left, ODDJOBBER!
(OddJobber mugs to an indifferent crowd.)
And his opponent... THE RUMP RANGER!
(The ever bubbly Rump Ranger sachets out to the delight(?) of the crowd. A pretty young woman can be seen brokenheartedly tearing up a sign that reads "I WANT YOUR SOFT CORE." It takes all kinds, folks.)
The Ranger parading around the ring slapping his own hindquarters...
I wonder if the cowboys from a couple years back would have anything to do with Zack? He is a cowboy, you know....
And he swears he always gets his man! Well tonight his man is OddJobber, and we'll see if he gets him as the bell rings and the match begins! It's looking like OddJobber wants to get things started quick. Or end them quick. Big slap in the face of the Rump Ranger! OddJobber wants the world to know he's at the Brawl because he means business!
Take it for what you will, but I'm sure the same can be said for the Ranger, who's giggling rather coyly after that slap in the face. I think he liked it, Cap.
It takes all kinds nowadays, Angus. These sorts of people didn't even exist back in my day. WHOA! Well there's a little response! The Ranger just floored OddJobber with a nice right hand.
Going for the cover alrea- oh. Well, I don't think that's exactly what you'd call a cover, in the traditional sense, fans. The Ranger is covering OddJobber, but I don't think the ref is going to count that!
OddJobber getting a little bit if steam back and pushes the Rump Ranger off. I don't think OddJobber realizes he's being toyed with here. If you'll pardon the expression.
No indeed, Cap. And I think the Rump Ranger is done playing with his conquest now... shot to the gut and then goes for a piledriver Odd that he's holding that piledriver for such a long tie with OddJobber's head like.. aaugh, never mind. Piledriver by the Rump Ranger.
And the three-count tells us this one's over, folks!
On the bright side, OddJobber doesn't seem to mind all that much. He's just tooling around the ringside area asking everyone for pancakes. I don't think he realizes the nature of his most recent defeat. Probably for the best.
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match, THE RUMP RANGER!
And there we have a big victory for the Rump Ranger in his STWF debut. Sort of. Up next we have
the tag team titles on the line with The Agency challenging The Jockeys for the straps!
Wasn't there more on the docket than that for the undercard?
There may have been, but it was cancelled due to lack of interest.
Really? Surely our (snicker) "great fans" couldn't be responsible for that?
Actually, they aren't. We couldn't make some interest payments here and there, so we had to scale back. Some folks in the Ivory Tower wanted the Brawl to take place in a public park a few miles from STWF HQ, but we had to have some standards!
Yeah well, maybe we'd have better luck with making the bills if we held some cards once in a while.
Well folks, before Captain Twilight says something that gets what little we can pay him taken away, let's go to our tag team title match!
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is for the 3-4-1 tag team championship! Making their way to the ring now, the defending champions, THE AMBULANCE JOCKEYS!
(The Jockeys come to the ring rather hurried and with minimal fanfare. Hey, we want to get the Brawl underway just as much as you do.)
And their opponents... the challengers... Sculder and Mully, THE AGENCY!
(Same with these guys.)
Well, now we've got a title match on our hands, then it's time for the big match!
A lot of things going on with titles here tonight... contenders for the IG title to be decided, the Right
Hand Man finally straightens out the Bill Gates situation, and the tag titles are on the line as well.
Nice to know at least one title isn't screwed up.
Well, the North American title is nice and secure at present, Cap. But I digress. The match is underway with Sculder and Gary the Gurney starting things off!
This ought to be an interesting match. The Agency not known for their winning ways here in the STWF...
But they're going for the gold nonetheless. That's the kind of fighting spirit that makes Our Great Sport such a wonderful thing, Cap. Oh. I don't wager that a clothesline from Gary taking Sculder clean off his feet is a good way to hang onto that fighting spirit! And now he follows up with a big elbow and a cover. One... two... kickout.
I think The Agency might be biting off a little more than they can chew here. It's not as if they have so many victories here that anyone should really consider them "contenders." And it's quite obvious why as Gary continues to pummel Sculder. This is just not pleasant to see.
And a sidewalk slam from Gary flattens Sculder, buying all the time in the world to tag in Backboard Barry.
So would that technically be a "hot tag?" I've always wondered what that was supposed to mean.
Perhaps we're never meant to know, Cap. Some things man just can't know. Barry in the ring now and it isn't getting any better for our friends at the Agency. Inverted atomic drop and Sculder is looking very uncomfortable.
So it would seem. Sculder trying to fight back with a weak kick. At least it's something.
Well, this is what it's all about as Barry hits a very nasty looking suplex on Sculder. He's just not really on his game today, is he?
Compared to the times when The Agency completely dominates the opposition? Who do you think you're kidding, McMadden? Oh, a rake to the face to slow Barry down just a little. Now there was a little something.
Something indeed, and now Sculder is headed back to his corner to make the tag... he's crawling for Mully-
He wouldn't be the only one, from what I've heard.
Please, Cap. Pay-per-view or not, this is a family show. Sculder inching to his corner as Barry recovers from the rake and tags in Gary - but wait! Sculder's made the tag!
Ah, and here we have the "We've both tagged out at the same time and craziness ensues." Never seen that one before....
Everyone in the ring now and we've got a melee on our hands, folks!
What have we here? Looks like a visit from an old friend.
Now this is interesting. Black by Popular Demand is at ringside... what on Earth do they need to be down here for? This is a title match!
Well maybe Jamal just wants to come see us here at ringside. He is a commentator after all.
And why does he need Tyrone Mayhem with him? They have no place here right now! They have to compete in the Brawl later tonight! And the Jockeys are taking note of them and taking exception!
We gotta represent, yo. Here to send a message to the World. Whoeva wins, they got ta know they facing a challenge from me an' Tyrone, yo!
Jamal Tupac Mustafa making a statement here at the broadcast booth while Tyrone Mayhem stands on the ring apron and just generally annoys everyone. Jamal heading away now... and the ref is telling Tyrone to go away.
I'm sure he's used to it. Amazing how the ref always seems to tell people to take a hike in just such a way as to keep his attention focused entirely away from the ring. And here's Barry badmouthing Jamal as he walks around the ring away from our position... I can just tell where this is going.
And the referee doesn't suspect a thing! Indeed, it's one of the hallmarks of Our Great Sport. Jamal and Barry arguing now while Sculder and Mully stand confused and Gary and the referee are trying to get Tyrone off the ring apron.
Ah. This is making more sense now. Jamal using a handily placed steel chair to punctuate his side of the argument he was having with Barry. And the argument is quite over now. And Mully goes for a cover. And what do you know? The referee has decided there's more important things in life than being annoyed by Tyrone Mayhem.. he's turned around!
Too bad Gary doesn't share the ref's sentiment, or he'd be making a save right now. One... two... three! And we've got new tag champs, folks!
Ladies and gentlemen, your winners, and the new champions, and yes, I am just as surprised as you, Sculder and Mully, THE AGENCY!
Well folks, what a night it's been so far! Two matches in the books, and the Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl
still to come! But for the moment, let's welcome The Right Hand Man to the ring...
And finally we can get an answer about this stupid Bill Gates situation.
(The Right Hand Man enters the ring to a modest pop. After so many months, people have forgotten who everyone is.)
Good evening, folks.
While it is possible to win a title without actually competing, it is
somewhat more difficult to hold onto said title. This presents a
unique opportunity for you to face some of the finest talent "our
sport" has to offer upon your participation in the STWF. I realize
that your street cred has been flagging of late, and this is indeed a
prime opportunity for you to go back to the old school methods and
All the details on your impressive victory over some of our finest
competition as well as instructions on how to participate in
competition can be found at www.stwf.com (viewable with any browser!).
Please do not let the opportunity to hold one of the most prestigious
distinctions in our fine industry, with all the rich history
associated with it, pass you by.
The favor of a reply is requested.
The Right Hand Man
As for the title-- it will be decided in a tournament that will begin
on the first Monday Nae Trous of the new millennium. The four
competitors have been selected based on their rankings in the STWF as
well as recent performance. The first round of matchups will be:
Lenny "The Force" Baxter vs. Tyrone Mayhem
The winners of these matches will then face one another to crown a
champion later that week (chyeah, right) on Thursday
Thus it has been written, and so it shall be done!
As you well know, the situation with the ICCTINACBBIC title has been up in the air for some time now, courtesy of Bill Gates winning the belt. Shortly after Monster Bash, the following communication was sent to Mr. Gates detailing his responsibilities as a titlist here in the STWF:
I am an executive with the STWF (StereoType Wrestling Federation) and I am contacting you to inform you that you have recently won the Intercontinental Cruiserweight "This Is Not A Championship Belt But It's Close" Belt (oft referred to as the ICCTINABBIC title) in our organization. The title was awarded to you at Monster Bash '99, an extravaganza that will be forever remembered as one of the most long-awaited events in STWF history.
Stereo Type Wrestling Federation
As of today, no reply has been received from Bill Gates or his representation. It is with a heavy heart that I therefore strip Bill Gates of the ICCINACBBIC title and give him his release from the Stereo Type Wrestling Federation. Good luck eking out a living doing whatever you do when you don't wrestle, Bill.
Tentin Quarentino vs. Coma
So stop asking about it.
While it is possible to win a title without actually competing, it is somewhat more difficult to hold onto said title. This presents a unique opportunity for you to face some of the finest talent "our sport" has to offer upon your participation in the STWF. I realize that your street cred has been flagging of late, and this is indeed a prime opportunity for you to go back to the old school methods and truly represent.
All the details on your impressive victory over some of our finest competition as well as instructions on how to participate in competition can be found at www.stwf.com (viewable with any browser!). Please do not let the opportunity to hold one of the most prestigious distinctions in our fine industry, with all the rich history associated with it, pass you by.
The favor of a reply is requested.
The Right Hand Man
As for the title-- it will be decided in a tournament that will begin on the first Monday Nae Trous of the new millennium. The four competitors have been selected based on their rankings in the STWF as well as recent performance. The first round of matchups will be:
Lenny "The Force" Baxter vs. Tyrone Mayhem
The winners of these matches will then face one another to crown a
champion later that week (chyeah, right) on Thursday
Thus it has been written, and so it shall be done!
(The Right Hand Man exits the ring to cheers as the fans' collective memory is jostled into consciousness.)
All right everyone! This is it- all the waiting, and it comes down to this-- the Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl is about to start!
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the BUNKHOUSE 'BLIVION BRAWL! Now, introducing the man who requested the number one slot, HOMICIDAL HANK!
(Hank comes to the ring wearing a nasty look and a whole lot of other things. He's got an Electrolux Vacuum Cleaner, a crowbar affixed to his back, a New York Giants football helmet, and spiky shoulder pads. He looks to be stuffed with a great many other things as well. We'll see.)
And lucky number two... one half of the new tag champs, SCULDER!
(Sculder heads to the ring with an alienesque club and a flashlight. Oh yeah, he's got a sign around his neck that reads "PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.")
And we're off! We've got one minute for these two to fight it out until the next two contestants hit the
ring. Nothing ever happens in the first minute of these elimination-style deals anyway... so how about the
NFL this year, Cap?
I think you should really do your job, Angus. Both competitors circling the ring as they wait for the time to.... oh hell, you're right. This is boring. I like the Rams again this year. I think they were too strong this past season to ignore.
You really think so?
Actually, I have no idea. I don't like football. It's not dignified.
Well then folks, the awesome sports mind of Captain Twilight. You've been educated as well as entertained here tonight. And hey, look at that! We've somehow managed to talk so long that a minute has just about elapsed here and the next two competitors will be on their way out!
Only you, Vince. You make a minute last a lifetime.
And here they come! It's... StreetMime and... Big Bubba Blue! and now four competitors in the Brawl!
(StreetMime appears to be carrying some heavy duty mime weapons. Too bad for our little mime that they really don't exist. Big Bubba Blue has a couple terra cotta pots... and so the insanity begins.)
And StreetMime is ready for business! A shot to Hank that hank doesn't seem to feel. Guess it helps
to have weapons. Bubba Blue pairing off with Sculder now... trading blows. Sculder seems to be getting the worst of it.
*yawn* And another shot to Hank from StreetMime. He is a former champ, you know. Maybe he thinks this is his time to shine once again.
Big Bubba Blue continuing to pummel Sculder with those clay pots. What an attacker this Bubba is.
Oh but look at this... Sculder really fighting back now with his club and he is just tearing into Big Bubba now! I don't think I've ever seen this much out of the agent in question!
And that's the time, folks! Another minute gone by, another two competitors enter the ring! Here comes Slater and... aww that's so cute! Lil' Peppy Polar is coming out!
And he doesn't have a thing. Slater isn't much better off... all he's got with him is a plastic bucket.
I guess Peppy wants to do this without weapons.. he's out to prove he's just as tough as anyone else.
And he's doing it his way by flying in and biting Bubba in the leg! Look at the little guy go!
And Hank just cranked StreetMime with that vacuum cleaner! That's gonna slow you down right quick! Oh and look at Lil' Peppy Polar fly across the ring as Bubba kicks him off! Hank moving on now to Slater and giving him a taste of that crowbar on his back.
Bubba and Sculder still trading blows. Looks like Big Bubba Blue is coming out ahead in this exchange. Whoda thunk you could get so much mileage out of some broken pottery?
StreetMime back to his feet and gets in a shot on Hank from behind! I'm not so sure you really want to be getting Hank's attention in a match like this...
And wouldn' you know... it's time for the next two competitors to enter the fray. And it's... out comes the Organ Grinder and ThatGuy!
(OG has a stack of paper and a funny looking pen, while ThatGuy has nothing at all.)
What's ThatGuy doing? He's stopping at ringside as the Organ Grinder clambers into the ring and demands
everyone exit under the bottom rope.
And now he's stopping off at the Spanish Announcer's- oh, of course. ThatGuy grabbing the Spanish Announcer's Table (TM) and heading into the ring!
And making his presence know as he wracks Big Bubba Blue over the head with the table, sending him to the mat and then to the floor! And the Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl 2000 ha claimed its first victim!
Organ Grinder looks to be headed over towards Hank, and now Sculder and the OG are doubling up on the Homicidal one... but how much can they really do to Hank? He seems to be enjoying it all quite a bit.
It still has to be taking it's toll. Meanwhile Slater chasing StreetMime around the ring with that bucket. And while he chases the mime, he's not paying attention to ThatGuy and his table!
How do you NOT notice a guy with a table? Well, whatever the case may be, Slater has caught up with StreetMime and hits him with that bucket as ThatGuy catches up with him and clocks him with the table. StreetMime wasting no time rolling Slater out under the bottom rope now.
And as Slater is removed from the competition, Hank fights his way back at the expense of the Organ Grinder's skull. And here we are at the minute mark, and out come the next two competitors!
(OddJobber enters the arena with pancakes in either hand while Colonel "Pops" Khorne comes in with a riding crop and a pith helmet.)
Looks like OddJobber found those pancakes. Good for him. And look at Hank cracking
Khorne with that crowbar as he comes through the ring ropes!
But that was an expensive maneuver as Sculder and the Organ Grinder kick at Hank while his back is turned. And now the Grinder is getting out that stack of papers he had... it says "SCRIPT" on it...
And it looks to be the script for the B'BB! And look at that pen he's got there. It's got a funny little head on it... I can't make it out from here... but it looks to be The Foz!
Right you are, Cap! It's that funny little PagerPicture pen that The Foz uses on that public TV show of his that the kids love so much. Organ Grinder writing now... and listen to the little squeaky noises! It really is the magic PagerPicture pen!
And loot at this! Every time the Organ Grinder writes something, Hank seems to reel from a crushing blow! The Organ Grinder has picked the perfect weapon for himself this year as he rewrites reality to suit his megalomaniac tendencies!
It really hurts to see the magic Foz pen used like this, Cap.
Well, it isn't likely to last. It looks like he was focusing on Hank a little too much and the other folks in the ring have recognized the danger and now there's a dogpile on the Organ Grinder!
Except for OddJobber, who's happily roaming around the ring with his pancakes. Ah, to revel in the simple things - oh! And Lil' Peppy Polar just took a little shot at OddJobber while everyone else is working over the Organ Grinder! And what do you know? Here come the next two contestants!
(Sergeant Genocide comes to the ring brandishing a large club and a textbook labeled "Genetics." Douja is not far behind with a three foot long joint. Oh my.)
And in they come! People getting off the Organ Grinder now... I don't think there's enough of the
script left for his original tactics to be very effective anymore, Cap.
Quite true, Angus. And look at this - ThatGuy crowning Khorne with that table he's had so much success with today! Meanwhile Hank is coming back from the Organ Grinder's little beating quite well as he knocks Genocide down with that Electrolux!
And I think he's doing it to clear a path to the Organ Grinder, who is now on the receiving end of quite the Hank beating. Listen to the way he screams when Hank dos that thing with- OH, MY! That's gotta smart!
Genocide struggling to his feet only to take a shot from Sculder's alien club. And Genocide hits back as these two pair off. And look at Lil' Peppy pummeling the hell out of StreetMime's shins! And listen to the mime's totally silent screams of pain!
And while StreetMime fails to scream, another minute has elapsed and it's time for more bodies! And here comes Claude Leroux and Jamal Tupac Mustafa, who's already dropped in on us once this evening!
(Claude has a locker door and Jamal has a tire iron.)
I like Jamal's tire iron idea. Quick and dirty... simple and elegant. And it looks
like he's got some big heavy gold rings on as well. That'll drive a few shots home.
More than we can say for Claude Leroux though. Looks like he tore off a locker door off on his way out here. I guess no solid gimmick equates to "whatever's handy."
And Claude and Jamal have already started brawling on their way into the ring! Rolling into the ring while trading blows, and boy are they each taking some stiff shots.
But look over here- it seems like StreetMime has caught onto the fact that it is in fact Peppy Polar causing him all this grief and he's just kicked the little guy halfway across the ring! That's just disrespectful!
Perhaps, but very entertaining. Jamal getting the better of his exchange with Claude now from the looks of things. Oop, there goes peppy thanks to another shot from StreetMime. I guess not extending much past that bottom rope creates something of a disadvantage.
And Sergeant Genocide just took a mean shot from Sculder, who seems to want to put some distance between himself and Hank now.
And here comes another two participants!
(Tyrone Mayhem comes to the ring with a switchblade in one hand and a boom box in the other. Meanwhile, Mully heads in with a "Restricted Area" sign and a .38.)
I'm forced to assume that gun's not loaded as there are no ranged weapons allowed this year. A good choice
just the same- it's always nice to be ale to bludgeon your victim!
Oh, and Tyrone's entrance very poorly timed! Jamal turned his attention away from Claude Leroux to shout out to his tag partner and he's paying for it in spades!
Claude on top of Jamal now and relentlessly beating him with that locker door here, folks! And Just as Mully heads into the ring, Sculder is out courtesy of a big shot from Sergeant Genocide.
Guess the ex-champ didn't much appreciate the shot he took a few minutes ago. And the beating continues on poor Jamal. Tyrone Mayhem trying to get to his partner and make the save, but StreetMime just got in the way. But Tyrone doesn't seem to mind.
Likely because StreetMime is already wobbly and Jamal is fresh- and there goes StreetMime as Tyrone brushes him aside and right under the ropes on the way to his partner!
And I can't much tell who did it in this sea of humanity, but Khorne is reeling from something. It might have been Hank... he's locking up with ThatGuy now....
And for as packed as it's getting in there, folks, it's escalating now as another two participants are about to make their way down to the ring!
Looks to be Four and Tyfook. There's two guys you don't hear too much from. And it shows in their weapons for this as they get the ring. Four's got himself a little garden shovel and a length of hose, while Tyfook has a hoe. Shame.
And Tyrone Mayhem has made it to Jamal's aid by going right through Douja, who seems a little... um, drowsy anyway! And he yanks Claude off- oh! Claude reacts by nailing Tyrone Mayhem with a great big shot from that metal locker door!
And look at Hank tearing into ThatGuy! He's pulled a ball-pein hammer from his boot and he's really unloading on ThatGuy's skull. A lot.
Well, it's worth noting that in order to pile on someone like that you put yourself down low and dangerously close to the ropes. And you can see what I mean as ThatGuy swings his table and knocks a no-doubt exhausted Homicidal Hank over.
And it's so long to Hank as he plummets from the ring apron. And he look to be in even worse shape than he was when he was in the ring! I think he landed on some hidden weapon he had with him! I hope he didn't hide in too unpleasant a spot!
Well, at least he was wearing that helmet. And look at Claude Leroux doing a number on both members of Black by Popular Demand! And here come two more, folks!
(Neige Thirteen comes out dressed in some kind of ski armor whilst carrying his Neigeboard. Not all that differently, Jean Bannister comes out in Hockey gloves with his stick in hand. HEY! Get your mind out of the gutter- you know what I meant.)
And possibly the most marked man in the history of the STWF, and perhaps in the history of Our Great Sport, Neige
Thirteen, makes his way to the ring. And look at Mully go right after Sergeant Genocide, pistol-whipping
him with that revolver.
Maybe a little payback for the elimination of her tag team partner just now. Speaking of tag teams, one just got split up as Jamal Tupac Mustafa is knocked clan out of the ring thanks to Claude Leroux. Oh hey, Tyfook just got whacked with ThatGuy's table. I forget they were even still in here!
It's getting packed in there, Cap. And it's getting plenty brutal as well. OddJobber showing his first real acknowledgement of even being in the Brawl by whacking Four over the head, and Four only too happy to return the favor.
And Genocide letting Mully know how little he appreciated that shot by hitting her with that big textbook. What's he doing now?
Looks like he's flipping to a marked page in that book and pointing out to the fallen Mully exactly why he is genetically superior to everyone else. Nice to think our competitors might leave here with both a severe beating AND an education! And here we go again, folks! Who's on the way in now? Here comes BILL and Necro Phil!
(BILL has a plastic watering pail, while Necro Phil is carrying a box with him.)
Necro Phil at ringside here unpacking the contents of that box... it's a mannequin arm with the
name "Helena" scrawled across it. Leave it to Phil to find something unusual to bring along.
And look how impressed the Creepy Timekeeper is with it. He seems quite taken with the disembodied arm.
Necro Phil took a little too much time outside of the ring, because Tyfook just hopped out of the ring and clocked him! There go the two men brawling outside. Meanwhile, check out OddJobber over sitting in the corner trying to nibble on one of those rather beat up pancakes while Genocide kicks at him and points to a passage in his textbook. What an odd year it's gonna be!
And here we go with Neige in the ring now! He was pretty quiet and just biding his time for a while when he first got in here, but now it looks like people are starting to take note of him... and there goes BILL right after Neige Thirteen! I think he wants to show everyone he really is the competitor he was touted to be by taking out Neige Thirteen.
It would make sense that you could make a name for yourself that way considering the size of the Target Neige managed to paint on his forehead in the months leading up to the Brawl. And Tyfook still brawling with Necro Phil outside! And into the ring post goes Tyfook! That's gotta hurt!
And we're coming up on the minute mark yet again as the brawling continues. There's a whole lot of people in that ring now and it's just a sea of insanity!
(Tentin Quarentino and Dr. Silaconne M. Plants come to the ring. Tentin has a length of garden hose and Dr. Plants has a magazine of some kind.)
And here comes the former IG Champion, Dr. Plants! Things ought to heat up now! And I wonder what's so
utterly interesting that Quarentino is sticking to Plants like that... ah. Well, folks, it seems that
Dr. Plants' tactic for the Brawl is distraction-- that's the December issue of Hardcore magazine, well-known
for its very explicit Nurse Heidi pictorial. And Tentin Quarentino sticking to Plants like glue as he tries
to make a grab for the magazine!
And Plants is pretty annoyed with that and takes a swing at Quarentino. They're not even all the way to the ring and already they've begun trading blows. This is getting wacky.
Meanwhile, back inside the ring the Organ Grinder delivers a shot to Sergeant Genocide as he continues to accost OddJobber in the corner. Dr. Plants now seeing Neige in the ring seems to have completely forgotten about Quarantino and the magazine- and he makes like a bullet flying into the ring and coming after Neige Thirteen!
And you've almost got to feel bad for poor BILL, who just happened to be in the way when Plants charged in. Poor slob never knew what hit him.
Indeed not. Fighting still going on outside as Tyfook and Necro Phil battle to a standstill. In the ring it looks like Douja just tasted ThatGuy's table. A lot of people have been in for quite a while now and they're really starting to slow down.
And would you look at Plants and Neige go at it! Holy cats! Those two really hate each other! It looks like everyone else in the ring is staying clear of them...
And Neige is getting the better of it what with the armor and the Neigeboard and all. I guess this is what happens when you don't bring anything to the ring but a nudie mag.
And with preferences as nebulous as Neige Thirteen's, there's no guarantee that would even really get his attention.
Well, a minute has passed and it's time for more action! And out comes Sweet Candy Andy! And he's got a great big lolly! Not sure what to make of this, folks. Sweet Candy Andy number 25 to enter the Brawl as he clambers into the ring and joins the fray. Looks like Phil and Tyfook have found their way into the ring at long last.
I want to know what's happened to number 26. We're supposed to have two men out here, and only Andy decided to-
What was that? All the wrestlers in the ring doing a double take now... and from the entranceway--
It's Mr. Intensity! Here he comes! And he's soaking wet! What on Earth is going on?
And he doesn't appear to have any weapons with him either... Sure does stink though.
Now that you mention it, that kind of smells like... oh my... Mr. Intensity climbing into the ring now. He's got something small in his hand and- oh,dear lord.
(Mr. Intensity enters the ring and all activity stops as the contestants appear to be gagging on noxious fumes. Intensity holds a small cylindrical object high above his head and strikes the little metal wheel at the top of the object against the flint in the head of the object. The lighter comes to life.)
YOU WANT OBLIVION?!?! I GOT YOUR "'BLIVION" RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!!
(Mr. Intensity proceeds to light himself on fire and run around the ring, to the delight of the fans.)
Well, there's one you really don't see every day, folks. Mr. Intensity has exploded into flame in the middle of the ring and he's running about like a madman! no one here too interested in the Brawl anymore; the focus is on survival!
You've been watching too many nature shows.
In any case, people scrambling like mad to get away from the screaming ball of flame that is or was Mr. Intensity! And the ring is clearing out! Some are going over the top, some are rolling out!
And eliminating themselves in the process.
Small price to pay not to be set ablaze, Cap. Out goes the Organ Grinder! OddJobber just rolls out of harm's way under the rope and sulks off somewhere continuing to eat his pancakes.
Look at Douja trying to light that gigantic marijuana cigarette by standing near Mr. Intensity! And he gets bowled over. And the little pothead is knocked right into a fleeing Sergeant Genocide and they spill under the bottom rope!
Genocide eliminated, but not happy with Douja and they brawl to the back....meanwhile, the rampage continues as Claude and Tyrone have also fled under the bottom rope! Interesting to note though that Neige and Plants are still in one corner of the ring trading blows. I don't think they've even noticed all this.
And there goes Four as well! A lot of these guys escaping with minor burns and what have you- BILL making a break for it now... but no! Mr. Intensity has caught up with him! We could see that finishing maneuver Intensity is so proud of!
Quite possibly the most feared maneuver in all of wrestling- YES! The flaming Mr. Intensity has BILL locked in a bear hug! Well, I guess that's another match BILL is leaving in an ambulance. And meanwhile Necro Phil has had enough.
And there goes Sweet Candy Andy as well. He never even got a chance to perform.
Not sure I like your phrasing, Cap, but yes, he's gone now as well. Intensity and BILL rolling about as BILL screams in the kind of pain that only a man in his death throes could know. And they've both rolled clean out of the ring! Well I guess that's over! And hey, it's been a minute to the dot! Let's see who's out now.
(The Rump Ranger prances out with a sheet of paper, followed by Bait, who carries a laptop computer and a little Palm Pilot.)
And here they come down the aisle now! Bait and the Rump Ranger!
And Bait getting whacked over the head with ThatGuy's table on his way through the ropes... I tell ya, ThatGuy is getting a whole heck of a lot of mileage out of that table.
And meanwhile Neige Thirteen has found a rhythm that seems to be working for him as he gets a good solid shot off on Dr. Plants with that Neigeboard.... it's nice to see two people who hate each other so much go at it.
Yeah... really reminds you of the old days.
Oh! And Bait didn't like that table shot at all! No sooner does he get his bearings back than he crowns ThatGuy with the laptop he's brought along with him! And a few kicks later, ThatGuy is out, along with our good friend the Spanish Announcer's Table.
Things still seem a little confused thanks to Mr. Intensity's little episode of a few moments ago... It's looking like folks are starting to pair off and duke it out again now though... and look at "Pops" Khorne stalking the Rump Ranger now!
Yes indeed! And a big shot on the Rump Ranger from "Pops." And listen to the little squeal the Ranger just let out!
I didn't like that. You can't even really tell if he was screaming in pain or...
Well, it's better left unthought about, Cap. But look at this. Whatever's on that paper the Rump Ranger has with him is making Khorne visibly wobbly as the Rump Ranger shoves the paper in his face... it looks to be a photo of some sort, folks... tough to tell from here... but it's having a pretty profound effect on Colonel "Pops" Khorne!
(Rapmaster Rhythm Red comes out with a spray nozzle and a leaf rake, followed by Barry Brown, who has, astonishingly enough, a backboard.)
Looks like a minute has gone by and it's time for two more to add to the mix, Angus.
Yes indeed, Cap. And look at Khorne trying to fight back now from whatever that sheet of paper is... swinging wildly, and finally he connects with a slap that looks like it might have brought a tear to the Rump Ranger's eye!
I think it worked though... the Ranger backing off a little bit now.
And meanwhile in the one corner no one will tread, it's looking like Neige is now getting the worst of his exchange with Plants. It's fortunate for Neige that the other folks who agreed to make eliminating the Fighting Snowman their top priority aren't in here right now!
It's especially fortunate that Hank isn't here anymore. He was ready to kill tonight.
Making this different from other nights how? Whoa! And Colonel Khorne is out! He got another look at that picture in the Rump Ranger's hand and collapsed! And Tyfook, who still hasn't really found anyone to lock up with since Intensity's purge is headed over to where the Ranger is.
I think it's more a matter of morbid curiosity, since he doesn't look like he's headed over there to fight.
And look at this! Tyfook reeling after the Ranger held the paper to his face! What on Earth is that thing, folks?
Whatever it is, it doesn't matter to Bait, who just clocked the Rump Ranger from behind! And the Ranger dropped that paper! And it looks like Bait is headed over to pick it up. Again, I think everyone just wants to see what's that dangerous.
Well, from this vantage point we can now see that it's a picture of something, folks, we just don't know what exactly. It might be a really bad idea to- oh, and look at Bait! He's thrown the picture down to the ground and he's clambering through the ring to the other side! What could be so difficult to take?
Are you sure you really want to know?
I guess you might be right, Cap. But here come participants number 31 and 32, folks! It's all downhill from here!
You have no idea how right you are, Angus.
(Sasquatch comes out with a large and heavy rock, while Flatline is holding a lumpy sack full of something in one hand and a box of Count Chocula in the other. Mmmm.)
And in they come! Sasquatch locking up with Rapmaster Red right away and they're going at it as a leaf
rake is cracked over Sasquatch's head!
And the favor is returned as that big rock finds its way onto the noggin of the Rapmaster.
And meanwhile it looks like Neige Thirteen go himself a breather as Plants is distracted by the Rump Ranger! He'd been laying low for the last little while, but now he's sprung up and pushed that picture in Plants' face! And Dr. Plants is reeling! And Neige Thirteen takes advantage of it by crashing that Neigeboard over the head of the surgeon!
Speaking of laying low, you notice that Mully's actually still huddled in a corner over there?
Mully still in this, though not very active as Bait and Flatline begin trading blows now. And that big bag full of... whatever seems to smart pretty good! And now we have another minute gone by as the next two participants get set to make their way to the ring!
And here they come. It's the tattooist and "Kermit." Hard to get terribly excited about these two, but oh well.
(The Tattooist is carrying a great big chain, while "Kermit" is decked out in his frog mask and brandishing a gun with no barrel.)
Ooh! Tentin Quarentino just reminded the world that he's in this match now as the director whacks Rapmaster
Rhythm Red while his attention was on Bait! And there goes Backboard Barry after "Kermit" with a whack from
And "Kermit" responds with a big head butt- and it looks like there's something in that mask he's wearing, because that shot sent Barry reeling!
And there goes Silaconne M. Plants fighting his way out of the corner he was in now flailing madly on The Rump Ranger and Neige Thirteen! Oh, and Flatline whacks The Rump Ranger with that bag he's got!
And it looks like something's come out of the bag. It's.. a videotape?
Indeed it is, folks- looks like Flatline has filled a sack with... lessee... Beavis and Butthead tapes and that's what he's using to bludgeon his opponents!
In between bouts of snacking on Count Chocula. I'm really impressed by the fact that he can eat the cereal and stay in this fight at the same time. Plants and Neige still going at it like you wouldn't believe as we get down to time here- and here comes Luke Warm! Luke Warm is on his way to the ring ladies and gentlemen! Oh yeah, and Switch too.
(Luke makes his way down with the jaws of life. It is as he foretold it. Switch is carrying a briefcase that is quite obviously loaded, because boy, it sure do look heavy.)
And the action in the ring continues as Jean Bannister takes a shot from Tentin Quarentino! Quarentino
really on the attack here now just going after everything in sight!
But it cost him now that he's got Bannister's attention. I don't think you want to be on the receiving end of that hockey stick. And boy does Quarentino know it now! What a shot, Angus!
And in comes Luke Warm! He's looking over to the corner where Neige and Plants are... Plants now glaring over at Luke... the hatred these two men have for each other is legendary!
And listen to the crowd! It's always so gratifying when something people actually care about happens! I bet these folks just can't wait to see these two men go at it!
But wait! Dr. Plants was part of the agreement Luke Warm proposed all those months ago to make sure that Neige Thirteen was eliminated from the Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl! And the two men exchange a knowing glance... and...
Huh. Mully's still in this. Quarentino just kicked her on his way by.
Oh that's right. There are more than three men in the ring right now... but it's Neige Thirteen, Luke Warm, and Silaconne M. Plants! What on Earth is going to happen here? I can hardly contain myself! Oh, Flatline and Barry trading blows now. Beavis, Butthead, and the backboard. Interesting collision.
And look at this... Plants now grabbing Neige Thirteen and holding him still! Luke Warm with the jaws of life prying that armor off the Fighting Snowman like it was paper!
And it looks like that agreement they've reached is going to stick! Neige doesn't have any protection now and Plants has him hel- STONECUTTER! STONECUTTER on Neige Thirteen!
Hate to say it, but that one was only a matter of time. And Plants picks up the Neigeboard- and breaks it over Neige Thirteen's head! And Luke Warm and Plants roll an unconscious Neige Thirteen to the floor! He's out! And the crowd is going wild for the union of these two men... both of whom look utterly disgusted to have been working with the other. And look at this... while all this was going on out next two contestants found their way to the ring! "The Stereotyped Face" Justin Voss is in... with nothing as a weapon but a belt... interesting. And our old pal Lenny "The Force" Baxter also in there now! With what appears to be a great big Venus Flytrap!
I wonder if the plant will lend him some kind of spiritual power to help him do the Head Explody?
Somehow I doubt it. Funny thing about that belt Voss has. He wanted to use the "Swiss Army Belt" from some other Federation, but it isn't the STWF and is therefore utterly meaningless, so the powers that be sent him in there with an everyday canvas belt.
Huh. You could have at least given him a leather belt that'd at least be good for something. Oh hey, look at this- the body count of Luke Warm and Silaconne M. Plants just went up! They caught Tyfook with his back turned and Plants waited behind him and stomped him right out of the ring right after Luke stunned him with a STONECUTTER!
And would you look at the glares these two are shooting back and forth at each other... boy do these two ever hate on another. And bait trying to move in to take a swing at Luke Warm- And Plants and Luke both smashing him and pummeling the poor guy! I guess they want everyone else to stay out of it!
Meanwhile, the Rump Ranger is being gnawed on by that plant that Lenny brought in with him. It's pandemonium in the ring now with everyone flailing wildly. we're far enough into this that fatigue is really starting to set in and some of these folks are getting desperate. Sasquatch smacking everyone he can find with that big rock...
Oh but look at this! A shot by the Backboard with the backboard slowed him down a bit. And we're coming to the end of the minute as Rapmaster Rhythm Red is out!
(Sir Hungalot enters the fray with a large box marked "Foot-long Hot Dogs." The Pencil-Necked geek hits the ring with a wheelbarrow. They can't all be good ones, folks.)
And in comes the Big Sir! And no sooner is he in then the Rump Ranger shoves that photo in his face!
And he's down! Good heavens, whatever that is, it's got to be horrid, folks. And the battle continues in
And Bannister is making the best possible use of that hockey stick in there. You can tell he really knows his hockey. Just look at the shot he gave the Tattooist!
Meanwhile The Rump Ranger continues to terrorize the entire Brawl with that picture- he's holding it up and parading around the ring with it and people are scurrying to get away! But wait... he's holding it up and heading towards Dr. Plants now... STONECUTTER! Silaconne M. Plants distracted the Ranger so that Luke Warm was able to sneak in a STONECUTTER on him! And Plants now has the Rump Ranger set up for the Breast Implant... and he's stomped the Rump Ranger clear out of the ring!
And Luke Warm is just glaring at the good doctor now. It's really unfortunate that these two men hate each other so much, because it seems like they really work well together.
Be that as it may, there's still a lot going on here folks! And it's almost time for another two entries as Barry and Sasquatch commence beating each other senseless!
(Rodney Ricardo enters with a set of bunny ears and an old tube radio. The Violent Pacifist enters with an aluminum bat, cutting a notably more imposing figure than Rodney.)
Look at this, folks. The Violent Pacifist shouting to Bannister and Big Sir as he
makes his way to the ring. I think he wants to see a little teamwork in there with some folks he knows how to
Yes indeed, Cap. And the Three Guys could make this a very interesting battle indeed. And look at this! They've gone right after Luke Warm and Silaconne M. Plants! I think they've realized that these two are working well enough together to be a real threat here tonight, so they're taking steps to eliminate them from the picture as it's three on two!
If you can really call Luke and Plants "two."
Another good point from Captain Twilight, folks. That's why we keep him around. And it looks like this five-man brawl has swallowed up one whole section of the ring! Considering how crowded things are, something's got to- and speak of the Devil! It looks like the sea of warfare that's taking a toll on Luke and Plants is claiming more victims! Without ever even really getting hit, Barry and Sasquatch were just plain edged out of the ring! And boy do they look peeved!
You know, that picture is still laying outside the ring where the Ranger dropped it when he got taken out. I wonder what that was?
Hang on, Cap.
Well folks, almost through the minute here as Captain Twilight has left the broadcast area to go pick up the mysterious picture that has caused so many people so much pain... Hm. McMadden doesn't look too pleased- the Creepy Timekeeper sure does though! He's looking over McMadden's shoulder and I tell ya folks, he looks downright aroused! So you know it must be pretty grisly... Another minute gone by now as Woodstock and the Square are making their way to the ring. Woodstock with a hose, the Square with a garden weasel. But hey, it's just Woodstock and The Square, folks! I'm a heck of a lot more amused by what we're seeing outside the ring! Angus is actually vomiting at ringside! And the Timekeeper has the picture and he's folded it up and tucked it neatly away. Ah, and here comes Angus now! So what was it?
*urp* Moolah.... *glurb*Mae.... together... naked... *blork*
Oh dear. Even at my age, that's pretty bad. McMadden still not quite recovered from the experience from the looks of it... he's wandering around looking for water. Guess I'll be calling the action for the next few minutes. Well, it looks like Woodstock is already gone, folks. In a brief moment of rest from their battle with the Three Guys, they noticed that an associate of Neige Thirteen was in the ring and beat him rather mercilessly. It was good for a laugh. Ah, and here we have another nice pairing off as the Tattooist with his metal chain goes after Justin Voss with his canvas belt. And let me tell you, if Voss' reaction is any indication, that chain do indeed smart! Heh. Look at Angus over there retching in the garbage can. I'm sure glad I didn't have to see that. Pretty clever though, I gotta admit. No reason a sight like that would affect the ump Ranger at all, but it sure messed with everyone else. Ah, and an ancient tag team rivalry erupting up in the far corner as the Square and Rodney Ricardo are trading shots in what may be one of the most uncared-about matchups of the event. Oh hey, Quarentino's out. I don't know what happened, folks. I was having too much fun looking over at McMadden.
(And hey, it's been a minute already! And out comes Darren #3 carrying one of them big old TVs Mom and Dad always told you about. Not far behind is Bretislav Plee, who simply has a vary large Czechoslovakian-English dictionary.)
Ah, it's been a minute already. Heh. This is great comedy, folks. McMadden can't even stand up and the ever-friendly Plee brother on his way to the ring is trying to help out... but limited English coupled with McMadden's current state of incoherence is making that pretty darn unlikely. Oh yeah. Match in the ring. Darren #3 over to help Rodney out now and the Square just took a rather unpleasant looking hit with that wonderful old television. And it's looking like the Three Guys have resumed their beating as they try to eliminate Luke Warm and Plants from the ring. And Plants just had Hungalot's case of foot-longs broken over his head. He's been in there a long time, folks, and it's gotta be slowing him down. Voss in the meantime once again hammered with that chain from the Tattooist, who's also managed to squeeze a shot off on "Kermit." Good Lord, this is a riot! I get a ringside seat to the Brawl and I get to watch McMadden try to find his way back to the ringside area. I think he's actually got some trauma induced blindness from seeing that picture of Moolah and Mae naked. Serves him right. Whoop- and that shot really did take its toll as Plants is kicked out of the ring by Hungalot and Jean Bannister while Luke Warm tries to fend off the Violent Pacifist. And that's a good one- feud going back a year or two there. Justin Voss out thanks to the Tattooist, Mully still cowering in a corner, and a whole lot of violence as two more men come out.
(Billy Polar comes out with a cattle prod in one hand and an air horn in the other, God bless 'im. Along with him is Virago... who is carrying a club in an odd shape. You figure it out.)
Whoa there, folks! You can see for yourself that Virago is here and she means business! But given her choice of weapon, I have no idea if that means she's giving any attention to the Brawl at all. Haaahahahaha! Sorry folks... I think Angus is gonna need a couple more minutes... at least Bretislav is leaving hi alone now and finally walking towards the ring. And look at the Square fighting back against both members of Nik at Nyte! And doing quite well for himself! He's actually holding them both off and doing a little damage here.... And the Tattooist, having taken Voss out of the equation, is looking for a new victim and has settled on Lenny "The Force" Baxter. Too bad he aimed for Lenny and not Lenny's plant- Tattooist just had a little chunk taken out of him that's sure to smart for a good long while! What else do we have going on in there... Luke and VP still fighting to an unimpressive standstill- you'd think they'd call better spots to *ahem*..... you'd think they'd really give it their all to win this thing. Oh ouch! Billy Polar using that air horn right in Sir Hungalot's ear! That distracted him long enough to take a pretty tough shot. And Virago is in this now too as she whacks Bretislav Plee with that... um... club. Another McMaddenless minute has gone by here, folks, and here come numbers 49 and 50!
(El Spheros Enters with an edger and Rimshot comes out with a garden spade. The horror.)
Well, about the most exciting thing I can say about all this is that the Immortal Shapes are together and in the ring, folks. Let's go back to Angus. He's halfway down the aisle to the backstage area drooling on himself and cursing at the heavens. It's really quite amusing to see a normally dignified man shaking his fists in the air like that... ah well. The Three Guys are really starting to tear it up again now as they've focused their attention first on Luke Warm, who's down at present thanks to their efforts. And now Billy Polar is getting some 3 on 1 payback for the little air horn trick he played on the Big Sir. Rimshot also looking to make a mark here as he guns for the obviously tired Flatline, who's been in for quite a while. Garden spade not doing a lot of damage, but hey, it's Flatline, folks. How much do you actually have to do? And here we have the Immortal Shapes and Nik at Nyte duking it out right there in the middle of the ring! It really takes you back, don't it? And boy are they going at it! If only it all somehow mattered...
(And out comes Tres Sheik with a mirror and a novelty scimitar. And then comes Pzremslwvk with a sledgehammer.)
Here comes two more folks and even McMadden! It looks like he's starting to get his bearings and he should be joining us shortly! In the Meantime, The Three Guys are running roughshod over the Shapes and Nik at Nyte. Looks like they were just too involved in their fight to remember that they're in a battle royal here. And there goes both Rodney Ricardo and the Square! And "Kermit" has found his way over to the Pencil-Necked Geek and he's just given him a pretty good whipping with that pistol butt. Meanwhile Virago has Luke Warm in a corner, and she hasn't even laid a finger on him! Luke notoriously uncomfortable around women, as you all know.... well, there are some who might argue that being uncomfortable around tough women shouldn't mean you'd get nervous around Virago, but that's another story. And ouch! Luke left himself wide open for that shot with Virago's club... like object. And Now she's off to her next victim as brawling continues all around the ring. I guess she feels like she's asserted plenty of dominance over Luke with that one shot. Easy pickings tat one is, if you happen to be of the fairer sex. Oh, and Tres Sheik right in this one, admiring himself with the mirror and then hitting the Violent Pacifist over the head with it. That should slow down at least a third of the Three Guys as Virago's next victim of the "club" is "Kermit."
Another minute, another two people. Here comes Mittens, and he's got a solid gold statuette of Oliver Copp with him. Viet Kong is tagging along and he's got a couple pungee sticks. Let's see what happens, shall we?)
Ah, look who's back! Why how the heck have you been, "Vince?"
I'm ok now, I think.
Heh. You are indeed the best "color" man in the business... or maybe just the best "Technicolor" man out there.
Can we please just get on with the goings on in the ring? I really don't want to relive this whole thing. My vision is still a little bit blurry. Here comes Mittens with that Oliver Copp statue he's been threatening us with... and it looks like activity has slowed in the ring now as people have noticed that Mittens is on his way in.
People know to fear Oliver Copp, Angus. I like the way you tried so earnestly to change the subject, by the way.
Please, Cap. Let it go. And Mittens steps between the ropes and hold the statue up high.
And you can tell that the folks who aren't totally engrossed in their battles are rather apprehensive right now. Except Mully, who I think has fallen asleep over in that corner.
The Tiger is bleeding profusely now...
Oh my god... it speaks.
The referee back on the job.
This is as bad as he threatened...
No doubt about it, Angus. Look at folks scattering to get away from this thing! At least three or four men already out of the ring and running for their lives here as the phrases continue to seep from the nasty little statue.
And now there's a dogpile on Mittens to get the thing to stop.
A big Bodyslam by StreetMime.
And the referee is down.
And the referee is down.
This is just disturbing. Well, as we near the one minute mark it looks like things have settled down. And after surveying the scene, we've lost Flatline, the Tattooist, Bretislav Plee, and El Spheros. This kind of brutal match really takes its toll on participants, and if you're tired enough or beat up enough, there's no way you have the wherewithal to withstand Oliver Copp.
(Out comes Goffer with a motorcycle chain and really gooey hair. And hey folks- here comes The Tiger!)
Well here he comes, folks! The winner of last year's Brawl, The Tiger! And he's decked out to the nines!
A bladed football helmet, a cat o' nine tails, and is that....
It sure is, Angus. He's got himself Big Daddy Panama's Cane With a Nail Through It (TM).
First that tag team war, and now this. What a retro Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl this has been!
I'm surprised you even knew about the tag team battles, what with your "condition" and all. Heh.
Please let it go, Cap. It's something I'll carry with me forever as it is. The least you can do is let me carry it in the background. Oh! And Luke Warm just let Pzremslwvk have it with a Yoo-Hoo bottle over the head! Meanwhile Switch and Virago are clubbing each other with their respective weapons. I don't want to get into the torrid details. The nice thing about being a techie salesman, though, is that when you're that techie, Virago's feminine wiles have no effect on you.
Whatever you say, Angus. Luke just took a nasty shot courtesy of Jean Bannister. Guess he should have spent more time on the Brawl and less on his Luke-Hoo. Billy Polar is also getting grief from the Three Guys as Sir Hungalot hits him with a clothesline.
And he landed on his air horn. That looked like it smarted a lot. Made a neat noise, though. And The Tiger makes his mark with that cane! And the mark is on "Kermit," who didn't look to enjoy being whacked over the head too much. And here we go, folks... Tiger chasing Jean Bannister away with that Cane With a Nail Through It (TM) and a high five for Luke Warm! The Faces of Death are united and they are in the Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl!
And they've done it just in time for the next two people to roll out. And here they come now!
(Coma comes out with a mixing table, and Dizzy Desi comes out with a steel chair. Uninspired.)
The Breakdance Inferno and Dizzy Desi out now... and one more minute until the last two participants find their
way out to the ring! But in the meantime, the Faces of Death are mugging to the crowd and boy does the crowd
love it! And out goes "Kermit" courtesy of the Faces of Death! And a brilliant maneuver it was!
It was kinda fun to watch. Tiger stuns "Kermit" with the cane, Luke hits the STONECUTTER while tiger bounces off the far ropes, then Tiger nails the prone frog with a baseball slide and sends him clear out of the ring. Poetry.
And now the faces of Death have shifter their attention to Switch. With no tag team partner to help him, he's a sitting duck! And Sir Hungalot takes a shot from Virago with that club she has. Not a highlight reel-worthy moment just now, but you've just got to appreciate the irony there.
STONECUTTER on Switch and another one Darren #3 just because he was close enough to grab onto. That's what happens when you don't pay attention, Darren. One slide from the Tiger and a quick shove from Luke, and Darren and Switch are out. The Faces of Death are a force to be reckoned with.
That they are. And while all this has been going on, Tres Sheik has locked up with Jean Bannister. Well, locked up in the sense that Bannister clubbed him with a hockey stick. Brawling continues in the ring as Rimshot remembers that he's in this match too and starts choking out "The Force," who was lost in his own little world, presumably trying to detonate the heads of the other competitors.
And Pzremslwvk just slugged Dizzy Desi with that sledgehammer. If he wasn't dizzy before, he certainly is now!
And here's something interesting. Goffer is leaking hair gel all over the place, and he appears to be smearing it around part of the ring rather deliberately. Is this a strategy, or is he just an idiot? We'll have to watch and see.
(And before you know it, out comes Gary "The Gurney" Greene with a foley catheter. Ouch! And lucky number 60- it's Jan Plee! And he's got and English to Czechoslovakian dictionary. Anti-climactic, I know. but such is the luck of the draw.)
And here they are! The last two participants in the 2000 Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl! It's down to the mass
of humankind in the ring now, and the last two standing will duke it out for the IG belt!
And not a moment too soon. At my age, ya just can't sit too long.
Everyone fighting now and it looks like Tiger and Luke Warm are ready to roll as they set up and knock down Jean Bannister with the sliding combination they've been using. But wait- Luke Warm slipped in that puddle of hair goo Goffer left in the ring and he's very slow to his feet! And it's going to cost him as the Violent Pacifist cracks him with that aluminum bat!
And Billy Polar giving Tres Sheik an earful with that air horn... and then taking a few shots while he's reeling. I don't think I've ever seen the ring this full, Angus!
True indeed. And it looks as if Luke being a little slow to get up has made things tougher for the Tiger as well as Viet Kong takes advantage of the fact that there's no one watching his back and beats him with those pungee sticks! Luke Back to his feet now though and tosses Viet Kong off the Tiger. He's talking to the tiger and pointing over to the stunned Tres Sheik, now wobbling around the ring thanks to Billy Polar.
And they're making their move- and out goes Tres Sheik after the Tiger flattens him and Luke hits a diving shoulderbutt onto the slippery part of the ring and the Sheik glides right out!
And now the remainder of the Three Guys is thinking strategy- look at the Violent Pacifist and Sir Hungalot trying to attack Mittens.
But Mittens isn't buying. He's just too big and too fresh compared to the others. Big smash on the VP and an even bigger one for Sir Hungalot. Mittens absolutely dominating now as he boots Big Sir right under the ropes.
And it looks like Luke cost himself a shot here as he ended up on the slippery part of the mat again. A flood of people rushing over pushed him clean out of the ring. And the brawling continues unabated here as the playing field is leveled once again with the elimination of the Three Guys and the Faces of Death.
And out goes Pzremslwvk courtesy of the Tiger and an extraordinarily painful looking head butt! And Mittens is now continuing his rampage, clubbing Jan Plee rather relentlessly. Meanwhile, Coma has been grappling with the Pencil-necked Geek and getting the worst of it, but a rather inventive desperation maneuver has-
Rather inventive? He smashed a mixing table over the Geek's head! And that's slowed both men down quite a lot. Mittens going after the Tiger now. It's looking like he's fixing to make things "hurty" for the former champion. Tiger fighting back while Lenny Baxter is nearby using the plant to the best of his ability.
It looks like he's getting tired. He's given up on getting the plant to bite anyone and he's just smashed the pot over the stunned Geek's head. Oh. Well, this is going to cost him. He seems to think he's got the Geek against the ropes and now he's going for the Head Explody.
And in the meantime Virago has been biding her time, but now she's going after Viet Kong with that club of hers, which seems to be working rather well. And wait- Mully is back on her feet! She's been sitting in the corner for the better part of a half hour but she's back up now! And she's sneaking up on Lenny....
I gotta say, I saw this coming, Angus. It was pretty obvious that the Head Explody was going to take too much of Baxter's attention in a match like this. And she rolls him quickly and easily out before he even realizes anything's happened.
WHOA! Look at that! The Tiger just got knocked out of play courtesy of Mittens! He was just a little too close to the slippery side of the ring and Mittens was just a little too heavy... And now Mittens moves right along and takes the attack to the VP, who pretty much stands there and gets crowned.
I'm liking Mittens to take it all- he seems to be so unstoppable the way he's rolling now. The man is just too big and too mean to stop.
You're argument is a persuasive one right now, cap. And Coma just took a low blow from the Pencil-necked geek. That's gotta smart. But wait... Coma seems unaffected! Well, it is Coma, after all. And what is this? Even if it didn't hurt him per se, it certainly seemed to set him off, folks!
You aren't kidding, McMadden. He's just tearing into the Geek with that mixing desk, and Geek is crabwalking to get out of the way. One big shot from that mixing tale and he-
And it's just happened, folks! The Geek managed to awaken the fire in Coma and got himself swatted clear out of the ring! Coma now looking for more to do here.
And look at Mully now trying to stalk Mittens. And she clobbers him with that "Restricted Area" sign.
And he's staggered! And he staggers right into Coma who's bowled clean over and slides right out of the ring thanks to the slippery hair goo Goffer left everywhere! Speaking of Goffer, look at the aggression in this guy as he takes that chain to the Gurney...
Mittens has his balance back now and he wants some revenge on Mully. He's charging her from across the ring. And you know, I feel bad for Dizzy Desi, who's now eliminated from the Brawl just because he was in Mittens' path just now.
And boy was he knocked clear into next week! I don't even think Mittens noticed! And Mully takes a hard shot form Mittens, but she's not out just yet. I bet she wishes she was, though.
You can say that again. And Gary Greene is gone as Goffer uses his oily hair to slide him out after that beating he administered with the chain. It's really starting to come down to the nitty gritty now, Angus.
Viet Kong and Rimshot trading blows now. Virago finds Goffer and whacks him with her club and he is reeling. Huh! Rimshot just eliminated Viet Kong! Will wonders never cease!
Well, I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that almost half the ring is slicked up courtesy of Goffer, but I'm sure Rimshot will chock it up to his wrestling prowess.
And Mittens is still on a role! Another crushing shot sends Mully back down, and I think "Mr. Mannerless" is just toying with her! We all know you don't treat a lady that way. And he's go Jan Plee by the collar now... he's in a bowling stance, he throws towards the slick side of the ring... and there goes Jan, Rimshot, and Goffer!
So we're down to Mully, Billy Polar, The Vio- wait, Mully is now gone, never mind.
Billy Polar, Mittens, The Violent Pacifist, and Virago. VP and Virago in a staredown while Mittens and Billy Polar start to talk strategy. We've got former tag champs in these two, I expect something good from them here!
Then you expect too much, Angus. You should know better by now. There they go! They've paired off BP and Mittens count to three, then each one rushes their chosen opponent.
Mittens coming after the Violent Pacifist while Billy Polar spears Virago to the mat. And look at that! VP is already gone! I guess he'd just been in too long to put up any real resistance.
And now Mittens is ready to get into the other fight. He's set to charge now and he's aiming for Virago... it looks like he's trying to make sure he and Billy Polar get to claim victory in this one...
And here he comes.... WHOA! Mittens charged into the slippery side of the ring where Billy Polar and Virago are located and he's sliding out of control! He's collided with both of them!
And Virago sails into the turnbuckles while the lighter Billy Polar.... well... Billy just plain sails. And out he goes.
Amazing! It's Virago and Mittens for the Intergalactic title at SUPERCARD! It looks like the competitors aren't ready to leave the ring just yet...
Looks as if Virago is trying to give Mittens a staredown here.
And Mittens doesn't seem to want any part of it! He's more amused than anything else- I don't think he's all that concerned about the seriousness of the challenge ahead of him. SUPERCARD V, folks, what a match it will be!
What a short match it'll be....
And that's it for the 2000 Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl! What a night it was! We'll see you at Nae Trous, folks! This is Angus "Vince" McMadden for Captain Twilight saying "At least it got here eventually!"