Monday Nae Trous Turns 30
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(Pan interior of the Slobberknocker Arena. The STWF Girls, Der Kommissar's present from the Inner Circle,
dance to start the show. Grady comes in and starts doing the
"Grady Shuffle" before security escorts him away to loud cheers.)
Welcome to our thirtieth episode! I know, it seems like every five
episodes we have one of these, but we'll slow down with it, honest! We've
got a great show! Bohemoth will be putting up that belt AGAIN! What a
defender. Tyrone Mayhem will be facing Pepe. The Bad A$$es are in the
house as they tangle with the Inevitables. And Nik at Nyte will be
squaring off against the Vegas Connection of the Entertainment
Industry. Death will be making another appearance against the Keeper, and
our new "Toss the Mic" segment will have everyone ask, "What do you think
about the Tri-Lambda group?" They're gone for a short while, so we get to
bad-mouth them! Won't that be fun. With me as always are Captain Twilight
and Jamal Tupac Mustafa.
Hello Vince. Speaking of the Entertainment Industry,
I'd like to congratulate "Black" Jack Dealer, who is the current PMCW
Cruiserweight champion. It's his second reign with that belt.
Very impressive indeed. Let's start things off with the battle of the dark
men. The Keeper of Apocalypse takes on Death. Dark has never looked so
light-hearted with this man in the ring. The Keeper makes his trademark
"lights go off, lights go on" entrance.
And his opponent...
(Death snatches the mic)
Yeah, take five, Announcer Lad, I'll do this. Yeah, I'm here, I'm Death,
and I got a six-pack of Mike's Hard, who wants some? (He starts tossing
the cans into the audience to a loud pop.) I'm ready to go!(drops the
Well, that's one way to get over.
Death and the Keeper lock up. Keeper with the height advantage here, well
heck, he's got a height advantage over everyone here! Death with a
hammerlock. He lets it go after a while and dropkicks the Keeper in the
back. Keeper staggers and turns around. He puts a snap suplex to the party
animal we like to call Death.
I hear our very own Image Factory is planning to
produce yet another dark personality, who calls himself
Oh boy, I cain't wait. *Yawn*.
I know the feeling. Too many of the same archetype can get boring. Death
with a snapmare takeover. Messenger Boy is screaming on the outside!
Oh, is Messenger Boy still alive?
I suppose so. Remember that whole kidnapping angle with him? Boy, that
went all of nowhere. But it was fun while it lasted, wasn't it?
We have a match to call, Vince.
Oh yeah. The Keeper has Death in a chinlock. The ref is warning him that
the chinlock is a boring maneuver. Interesting use of the rules there. The
Keeper releases the hold and starts stomping on Death. Death rolls out of
the ring and returns with a bottle! He quickly empties it and smashes it
on the ringsteps to create a potent weapon. The Keeper leaves the ring as
well. Death trying to cut the Keeper, but to no avail. Keeper manages to
wrest control of the bottle. Death rolls back in the ring, big plancha
coming up! Keeper is knocked into the ringpost, the bottle smashes!
Wow! Both men got some shards on dat one.
Both men in the ring. Death with a backslide, 1...2...no! Death now with a
top-rope legdrop, is that enough? 1...2...Keeper just barely gets his foot
on the ropes.
Keeper's still got plenty of fight in him. He tries
for a DDT, but Death somehow slips away and gives one of his own! Death
now carrying the Keeper to the top buckle...
I don't know how wise that is. The Keeper's finisher is also done off the
top buckle. See? The Keeper has Death's neck. A Darkness chokeslam! No
wait...Death is turning it over in mid-air for a big powerslam! 1...2...3.
Death doesn't use his finisher, but he gets the job done.
Here is your winner, DEATH!
What a matchup. Up next, the Vegas Connection of the Entertainment
Industry fight the Bad <-BLEEP->ses, who are currently in the ring.
And their opponents, from Las Vegas, Nevada (sort
of), accompanied by Rimshot and current two-time PMCW Cruiserweight
Champion "Black" Jack Dealer, they are Larry Lowbrow and Lester Leary,
Lounge Lizard...THE VEGAS CONNECTION!
(Lester sings "Viva Las Vegas" and is peppering the song with
interjections of "JACK!" Mixed reaction from the crowd.)
Certainly one of our more boisterous teams. Wait, Rimshot has something to
Rimshot: NIK AT NYTE! I know you're here tonight. I put my boys on the
schedule here so I could get this opportunity. I've asked you time and
again, and you keep snubbing me. Are you with us? Because if you aren't,
you're against us. Simple as that. You want money? We can get you plenty.
You have trouble with the Ratings Flock? I can dispel them with the snap
of a finger. Just say the word and it's done.
Oh? You're going to play like that, are you? Well...if my disability has
taught me anything, it's patience. You can let me know at Friday Friday
Friday. Any later than that, and we'll teach you a lesson in punctuality
you'll never forget!
Rimshot really wants that team! I wonder why Nik at Nyte didn't say
I smell a set-up, V. I t'ink Nik at Nyte already
signed on da dotted line, and dis is all a ploy to make it look
Possibly, Jamal. But I think Nik at Nyte might be
holding out for a better deal. I don't know how much better it can get,
though. Rimshot is not a poor man. Having five men and one woman on
payroll can't be cheap.
Larry Lowbrow starts with Mark. Armbar! Um...by Mark. Sorry about that
folks. Did I mention we're still accepting challenges for Unscented?!
Death will be fighting the Tiger, but I haven't heard of much more.
Der Kommissaar is waiting for the challenges to appear on his desk,
It's up to me to spell this out. E-MAIL YOUR
Yes. Thanks. Larry with a spinning toehold. Oh yeah, now we're getting
hardcore. *Yawn*. Mark gets out and a headbutt. Mark with a neckbreaker.
And now a piledriver! Tag to Chris, who has an easy job ahead of him.
Chris with a fallaway slam. Larry is just lying there. Mark tosses up a
chair! Powerbomb on the chair! That had to hurt. Mark sets up a table.
Chris with a powerbomb on the table! That had to hurt even more! Mark
tosses up...an ottoman?
Hey, it's a piece of furniture just like de
Whatever. Powerbomb on the ottoman! But wait, that was pretty cushioned. I
don't think Larry Lowbrow's felt so good, look at that smile! He runs up
and tags Lester Leary. Chris is begging off. Lester with a dropkick! Mark
comes in, HE gets a dropkick! Chris is back up, another dropkick! Lester
takes Chris for the Paisley Powerbomb...no! Chris with a reversal, and Bad
<-BLEEP->scutter from the middle rope! The cover: 1...2..."Black" Jack
Dealer with the belt, he hits Chris! The ref is calling this one out.
Here are your winners, as a result of a
disqualification, THE BAD <-BLEEP->SES!
Hey V, can we EVER get rid o'dat seven-second tape
Seven seconds? Where are you? Well, up next, Nik at Nyte take on the
This tag team contest is set for one fall. Making
their way first, from TV Land, accompanied by Mr. Fred, here are Rodney
Ricardo and Darren #3, NIK AT NYTE!
("You're Gonna Make It After All" plays. They enter. Rodney trips over the
ottoman the Bad A$$es left.)
Where's all that canned laughter coming from?
Your guess is as good as mine. Somebody get Dick Van Dyke on the
(The Inevitables take the opportunity and attack Nik
at Nyte from behind)
I wouldn't expect that from the Inevitables. But wait, here come the rest
of Apocalypse to give the Inevitables a beatdown! They must still be angry
after that double-cross.
I wonder if we'll see a match from these two, or if
we'll get a no-contest.
There's the Rogue's Gallery, taking on Apocalypse. And of course, where
the Rogue's Gallery is, the Inner Circle won't be far behind to smack them
down. Prisoner X is not there, but some guy with an IC mask IS! Has the
Circle expanded? We'll let you know as soon as more information becomes
available. A stablewar is resulting here. Nik at Nyte ring the bell and
enter the ring themselves. Let's see if the Inevitables can get in before
the count of 10.
Ooh, I love dese count-out games.
Nik at Nyte are laughing and joking around in the ring. I wonder where the
Ratings Flock is.
(On the headphones)What? What do you mean, Dick Van Dyke won't answer our
calls? Why I oughta...
Here are your winners, as a result of a count-out,
NIK AT NYTE!
The Inevitables can't believe what just happened! They were in the midst
of the out-of-ring battle, not knowing the match had begun! Perhaps Nik at
Nyte don't even need Rimshot's management, Mr. Fred is a genius.
You're talking about the HORSE?!
Dat's it! I'm outie. I'm gonna "toss da
QUESTION: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE TRI-LAMBS?
Judge (of the Forces of Justice): I hate them all with a passion! They
cost us our belts the first time around, and even though we got revenge, I
still hold a grudge. They are heathens, with no respect for the law, or
the rules of wrestling!
The Square: I dooon't give a daaamn about youuuu. Leeeeave me aloooone.
Tito Aqmed Aziz al'Watkins: I am not at liberty to divulge the Pimp of the
Year's clientele. Don't continue that line of questioning, because I won't
tell you that the Tri-Lambs are my client's best customers...AW DAMN!
Don't put that on air.
Jamal: Hey! I'm runnin' dis show! I gotsta remain
Hey, let's go ask the audience fo' a bit.
"Wally", a large man with a tattered hat and missing teeth: They think
they're so durn smart, dunney? Well, smarts don't matter where I come
from. My shotgun could take care of 'em easy.
"Tom", a teenage slacker: Well, they're pretty clever guys, but they like,
try too hard. Give me OddJobber any day....Can I have a pancake?
"Edwina", a nerdy-looking girl: Ooh, that Pencil-Necked Geek is dreamy!
I'd love to be his manager someday. I think I have plenty to offer him.
Pick me, Geek!
Jamal Tupac Mustafa again: Well, dat's it fo' toss da mic. Let's kick it
back to da ring, where Tyrone Mayhem is set to beat da livin' daylights
Tyrone Mayhem picks up Pepe and dwarf-tosses him to the buckle! Mayhem is
really loving this - he finally has a weight advantage!
Vince, he had a weight advantage over the
Pencil-Necked Geek, and the Geek still has more wins over Mayhem than
Don't spoil my commentary. I want to get loud today, for some reason.
Mayhem with a scoop slam. He punts Pepe out of the ring, the Mexican
Midget lands on El Presidente! The crowd loves it! Well, not the Mexicans.
El Presidente hurls Pepe at Tyrone. Tyrone gets hit in the solar plexus
and drops. Pepe with the cover: not even a one-count. El Presidente is
setting up a ramp...this can only mean the Rocket Launcher is in effect!
El Spheros rolls up the ramp, Pepe bounces off, rocketed into the air, he
nearly hits the ceiling, a huge legdrop coming your way! Tyrone leaves the
ring and uses El Presidente as a shield. Pepe comes down....he hits both
men! Tyrone is out. El Presidente is out. El Spheros is bouncing on
Mayhem. Mayhem is rolled into the ring. Pepe stands up Mayhem: the upward
dropkick sends Tyrone seven feet in the air! Pepe jumps on the top buckle,
a mid-air dropkick!
Dat's his famous "Double Dropkick". No one can
duplicate it - no one!
The cover: 1...2...Tyrone reverses it! He was playing possum all along.
1...2...3! Although he didn't make too many offensive moves, Tyrone is
But look! From behind! Colonel "Pops" Khorne with a
metal popcorn tray! Mayhem isn't fazed. He turns around. Khorne begs off -
Tyrone gives him the Smackdown! Khorne is out cold. This can only further
the animosity between the Inner Circle and the Rogue's Gallery.
Our final match will be a doozy - Bohemoth vs. the Tiger. The champ versus
the #1 contender. As it should be. Jamal, what do you think about
I t'ink B'hemoth should be worried about the Maniac
Ooh, good point. Perhaps we'll finally see the title change hands
Bohemoth. The Tiger. Two of our fiercest competitors here. The Tiger makes
the first move with a hiptoss - what strength! All that football pays off.
The Tiger with a slow elbowdrop that lands well. Bohemoth gets up
and...bearhug. He's shaking the Tiger like a ragdoll! Tiger grabs the
ropes on a backswing. Bohemoth lets go. Tiger with a back kick that sends
Bohemoth sprawling. Tiger with rights and lefts...oh, and a few punches
too. Tiger going to work on Bohemoth.
Wow! Tiger is ready for gold!
Tiger removes a buckle cover and Irish whips Bohemoth into it! Bohemoth
feels that one all too well. Tiger now, with an eyerake! On the good
eye!!! Bohemoth is blinded temporarily! Tiger takes the opportunity to
really do some damage. Tiger is totally in control!
So, when's the screwjob?
Whatever do you mean, Jamal?
Listen, there's two minutes left in the show. It's
gotta screwjob. What, do I gotsta get in dere and screwjob it
myself? Cause I will.
No need for that. Here comes Mira Maniac and Vito
Sorvino now. Vito has a brick wrapped in paper - now there's a gangster
stereotype for you.
I thought B.F. Sack had the gangster. Oh well. Tiger and Bohemoth both
pause to stare at Vito. Bohemoth is begging off...Vito raises the brick,
we know what's coming now! Bohemoth is getting his due...NO! VITO SORVINO
JUST NAILED THE TIGER! WHY, MANIAC, WHY?!?!?!
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner as a result of a
Bohemoth: Let me introduce to you, the newest Asylum
Alliance inductee...MIRA MANIAC!
Interesting. Sure Maniac's a little eccentric, but is he Asylum
Booyeah. He is, a'ight.
Well, that's all our time. On Friday Friday Friday, Gary Gourmando won't
be with us, it's me, Jamal, and a guest announcer. You'll see Mira Maniac
as he fights the Tiger, B.F. Sack versus Gruff in a non-title match, the
Circus Freaks will face Milwaukee's Best for the tag titles, Nik at Nyte
will give their response, and MUCH MORE! For Jamal Tupac Mustafa and
Captain Twilight, this is Angus "Vince" McMadden saying, Keep your pants
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo
Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre