Monday Nae Trous XXVII
En español donde sea disponible!
(Pan interior of the Slobberknocker Arena. The two pyro guys are shooting off the flare guns and sparklers to start the show.)
Welcome everyone to yet another episode on Monday Nae Trous!
I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden. With me as always, are Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa,
and WE'RE NOT WEARING PANTS! Right. One gigantic show lined up. We haven't been focussing much on tag teams,
so we've decided to compensate for that tonight. First up we have the debut of Nik at Nyte as...
(Rogue's Gallery theme music plays. The Rogue enters with his emaciated-looking Indestructibles)
Correction: The Rogue's Gallery is up first. Let's hear what they have to say. Not like we have a choice.
The Rogue: Hello morons! I know a lot of you have been saying...the Indestructibles are champions, but why
aren't they defending the belts? Well, it's obvious! We haven't found anyone worthy! HA-LA! (Boos)
But, because Der Kommissaar said we have to, we have to. We get to pick our opponents of course. So, the Indestructibles are putting their belts up on
the line against...
THE MASKED GENERIC THUGS!
(Two guys in masks come out, shake their own hands in the air, slap their shoulders, and get ready to fight.)
Hey V, who these guys?
Damned if I know. Here we go. Chris Powell taking on...um, Thug #1? Powell with an armbar. Thug is yelling in pain! Oh come on, it can't hurt THAT much.
This is a pointless charade. It's obvious the Thugs were paid to take a dive, and make the Indestructibles look good.
Well, of course, but the crowd seems to be buying it. Powell and Duane Diamond D with the double-team. They're pretending like they're capable of all the tactics they used,
before the gold ate away most of their muscle tissue. Thug #2 trying to make the save, but D chokeslams him! The crowd is loving it!
Why? They ain't nuttin' special.
Powell has the Million-Dollar Dream on Thug #1. The thug is pretending to be out cold. The arm drops once...twice...three times.
Here are your winners, and STILL STWF Tag Team Champions, the INDESTRUCTIBLES!
But wait, business is about to pick up! There are the Inevitables, joined closely by Sugarplum Harry and the golems. Looks like
the Inevitables are really enjoying their new role in Apocalypse. The Indestructibles are getting pounded, they are certainly vulnerable now.
And here come the rest of the Rogue's Gallery. It figures. There's Col. "Pops" Khorne! He puts the Jiffyneckpop on Sugarplum Harry! And rolls him out of the ring.
The Aboriginals are now going at the Inevitables, but seem out of it, as always. Très Sheik is just standing outside the ring, brushing lint off his jacket.
And the golems give him a shot from behind! Sheik is screaming, but I think it's about the jacket being messed up!
Alright, get them out of here. Now to our scheduled first match of the evening. Nik at Nyte make their debut. They square off against the Warrior Gods.
Who cares? The Warrior Gods useta be good, but now they ain't nuttin'!
The Warrior Gods are currently in the ring.
And their opponents, from TV Land, accompanied by Mr. Fred, and with a combined weight of 520 lbs., Rodney Ricardo, Darren #3, NIK AT NYTE!
("You're Gonna Make It After All" in rap plays. The two enter. Rodney is bringing in a horse. The horse looks like any other, and wears a hat.)
Rodney and Thor to start things. An interesting pairing if ever I've seen one. Rodney, a Mexican-Cuban style versus a massive man with no technical skills.
Thor comes in with a big right hand. Rodney goes reeling to his corner. Darren #3 pushes him back, and Rodney falls into Thor, knocking the big man down.
That was some heave by Darren #3. Rodney off the ropes for some momentum, and a legdrop. The cover: 1...and Thor catapults Rodney right into Tyr,
who was waiting to give him a big smash with his stump. Rodney is being knocked all over the ring! I suppose the size of these guys threw him off. The tag to Darren #3 is made.
Man, look at that guy! Darren #3 dresses like OddJobber!
Maybe, but you can't take away from his skills, if applicable. Darren with a powerslam! Wow! Thor goes to the buckle, and big shoulder!
Thor tags to Tyr. The one-handed wonder with a scoop slam on D3. Darren gets up and a series of chops, clothesline and Tyr goes down. The cover: 1...2...no.
Darren is going for a powerbomb....he...can't...quite...oh! Tyr falls on Darren. 1...he gets out. Darren is trying it again...he's struggling...Tyr is in position...YES! He's down.
Darren looks spent. He tags back to Rodney, who looks like he can tackle anything now. A hurricanrana on Tyr! A spinning neckbreaker! And now he's playing "air bongos"...?
WOW! What the hell is that? He's piledriving Tyr over and over, bouncin' like dat. That cain't be done.
It just was. The "Babalu Bounce" looks very successful indeed. The cover: 1...2...3. I don't blame Tyr for staying down.
Here are your winners, NIK AT NYTE!
And the Warrior Gods take another spill. I think they're just biding their time until their contract expires after SUPERCARD III.
Our next match features Bohemoth vs. Anarchy for the North American strap. Why isn't this the main event? Who knows. Due to time limitations,
both men are in the ring.
Bohemoth and Anarchy lock up. Bohemoth nails him with a Gorilla Press. Bohemoth goes for a clothesline, but Anarchy counters it with a duck-down move.
Oh no! Oliver Copp is writing our scripts again! How do we keep him out?
Easy. By usin' the Zeus Wrestlin' sim.
That's almost as bad!
Bohemoth whipping Anarchy to the ropes, Leap frog...reverse crescent KICK!!!
Bohemoth is stomping away an Anarchy, look at him go!!
Hey V, are all those exclamation points necessary?
I agree, it's just stomping, nothing worth two exclamation points.
Anarchy is moving back to his feet! Lock up, Anarchy with a knee to the stomach, SUPLEX!!
Maybe you should start pronouncing things wrong too, just like they do.
Well, I've had all I c'n take from DIS. I'm gonna hunt down those scriptwriters. Don't wait up.
Bohemoth now going for the SMASHER!!! OH MY GOD!!! Mike Thompson starts the count ...1 ...2 ...3.
That's not Mike Thompson. The only Thompson in these parts is "Plasmatic" Peter, and of course the late Ken "The Hemophiliac".
We don't know he's dead. He was put in cryo-freeze, remember? We'll take a quick break and be right back.
Supercard III is but two weeks away! If you don't have a match yet, you'll be sorry!
Stay tuned on this network, mon, for the new Jamaican action thriller series: Heile Woo's Wanse a Teef. Heile Woo is famous for
his two-handed joint-smoking sequences, guy. And eef you don't theenk that's offensive, mon, you ain't seen notting yet.
New series on this network, right after Wanse a Teef! We present "Tales from the Cripped", shows for guys as disabled as me, and maybe like you!
Tonight we present Stephen Hawking, quite possibly our smartest member, in "Hey! We're not all retarded!", and next week, we feature STWF personality Rimshot.
And if you don't think THAT'S offensive, you've not seen a thing yet! Hoo-hee-hoo-hoo-hee-hee!
Stay tuned after Tales from the Cripped, for our movie of the week: a remake of Tommy, David Duke stars in "Grand Pinball Wizard". Only on this network!
And if you...oh never mind.
We're back? Wow...how does this network get away with it? Well, as long as we get ratings, it's okay by me.
'Sup, V, I'm back, I miss anything?
Actually, you missed a dark match. The Tiger defeated Sugarplum Harry in a hard-fought battle. Harry gave it his all, but the Tiger racked up another win.
Oh. That all?
Yes. Our final match this evening features Mikey Howell as he takes on newcomer Tyrone Mayhem.
This match is set for one fall. Making his way to the ring, from Easy Street, USA, weighing 220 lbs., "THE SWINGER" MIKEY HOWELL!
("Wannabe" plays. Howell runs to the ring, does a quick pose, and gets ready.)
And his opponent, weighing 200 lbs., and hailing from some place that's none of our business, TYRONE MAYHEM!
("Regulate" by Warren G blares over the PA. A good crowd pop for someone who's barely had a match.)
Two great competitors, one great match. Mikey Howell with a sleeperhold to wear down Mayhem.
Mayhem doesn't seem too impressed. He grabs the ropes and shrugs Howell off. Mayhem with an enzuigiri kick, and it looks like he's gained control.
Mikey Howell gets to his feet. A big chop by Howell! Howell goes for a DDT... Tyrone slithers out. Tyrone with a drop toehold. A kneedrop right on the back of the head by Mayhem!
The crowd is really pleased. Reverse chinlock applied by Howell...
Hey, V, I got ta thinkin', you eva been to Pittsburgh?
Once or twice, why?
I dunno. Just decided to fill some time during this rest hold.
Mayhem finally gets out of the chinlock. He pulls Howell's hair. The ref is warning Tyrone off. Tyrone shrugs and gives Mikey an Irish whip.
Mikey bumps into the ref! Out cold. Replacement referee Raoul Ramon Ramirez is running to the scene. Mikey Howell is being taken for the ride right into the buckle. Dropkick right in the stomach.
Tyrone choking Mikey Howell. Good thing Ramirez lets stuff go, or he would be disqualified right now! Howell drops, lifeless, to the mat. Tyrone Mayhem is bringing in a table!
Looks like somebody wants to stop him from doing so. Who is it coming down? Oh, those pants are a dead giveaway. It's the Pencil-Necked Geek. He's got a computer keyboard!
He's gettin' cut off at the pass! Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando is right behind the Geek, MAN! Smashed with that ham right on the head. There's Ty at ringside, helpin' Gary punk the Geek.
The Geek probably having high-school flashbacks. Ramirez is not counting out Tyrone! He's too busy laughing! And wait, while Howell is in the ring, he obviously can't see Anarchy entering through the crowd!
Anarchy is setting up Howell for the Doomsday through the table...
Man, that had to hurt. Uh-oh, just when things get stupid, here comes StreetMime. He's pointing the bat at Mikey Howell, who seems unconscious.
Well, this match is a no-contest. Here's my chance to finally speak with StreetMime!
(He enters the ring)
StreetMime, we've seen you pointing bats at people, and coming down from the rafters, all without a purpose that we can see. And you refuse to wrestle? Why? What is it you want?
(StreetMime puts his hands in front of his waist and makes a stretching motion around it)
Oh you can't be serious! Well, which one do you want? The ICCTINACBBIC, I'm guessing, seeing your weight.
(He shakes his head.)
North American, maybe? But do you really want to try your luck against Bohemoth? He's a solid competitor!
(He shakes his head again.)
PLEASE don't tell me you want to fight the Executioner of all people for the Heavyweight belt!
(makes the stretching motion again.)
And what makes you so sure you can win?
(he smiles and starts tapping his temple with a finger, then crosses his arms in front of his chest.)
Yeah, whatever, StreetMime. Well, I doubt Executioner has anything to lose.
(The Right Hand Man enters.)
The Right Hand Man: I've got a contract right here, StreetMime. With our roster, we could use all the jobbe...I mean talent we have! If your title shot will mean
you're back into the wrestling fold, just sign here.
That's a contract for next Monday Nae Trous! Are you nuts?
(StreetMime signs the contract)
I don't believe this. You're giving a title shot to a jobber. Well, stranger things have happened. It's not like he'll have a chance in hell of winning.
Well, that's all the time we have for this week. Up on Friday Friday Friday: A triangle match: B.F. Sack, Prisoner X and Dr. Snare in a Coal Miner's Daughter Match - Loretta Lynn is at the top of a ladder,
and whoever gets her can use her as a foreign object! Also, the Pencil-Necked Geek takes on Nip the Necrophiliac! DOOM fights Gruff! And oh, so much more! On behalf of everyone here, this is Angus "Vince" McMadden, saying,
Keep your pants off!
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre