(A large pair of pants floats across the screen, then covered by a gigantic red circle with a line through it. The STWF logo appears)
En español donde sea disponible!
(Interior of the new STWF/CSTLL arena, the "Slobberknocker" arena. Two pyrotechnicians create the fireworks to start the show. One of them is wearing a Strike Force T-shirt. The other wears the Million Dollar Belt.)
So that's where it went...
Welcome everyone to Monday Nae Trous! We are just one week away from Heart Breaking Hell, and we promise it'll be a good one! I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, along with, as always, Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa.
(Rogue's Gallery theme music plays)
What a way to start off the evening.
Hello, you pathetic losers! I'm your superior, the Rogue, and even though you don't deserve it, the Gallery is here tonight! HA-LA!
Well, I said I'd bring in a new tag team, and we've signed a contract with the first team that wants to take them on. But first, let me introduce them! Here come your new tag team champions-to-be, hailing from your deepest fears, Duane Diamond D and "Crushing" Chris Powell, THE INDESTRUCTIBLES!
(More Gallery theme music. Duane Diamond D enters first. He looks about 6'9". He wears a Gallery T-shirt, and black trunks with a silver diamond emblem on the back. Three Ds are positioned vertically on the diamond.
Chris Powell enters next. He's two inches taller than Duane. He wears fluorescent green trunks. In red, the word "POW!" is emblazoned on the back. He too wears a Gallery T-shirt. Boos to both of them.)
Now, now, now. Who's man enough to take on these boys? Come on, someone out there must have a death wish. Ah good, here come Los Mexicanos Nondescriptos now!
(José and Julio run to the ring with El Presidente.)
Well, this should be good! Two monsters versus two-time former champions.
Julio and Powell lock up. Julio tries a dropkick, but Chris Powell doesn't move an inch. Julio bounces off the ropes for a flying forearm. Crushing Chris Powell just laughs. Julio goes for a Frankenondescriptos, but now he's just hanging upside-down off Powell's neck! Powell kneels, and Julio tombstones himself!
These guys are nothing short of impressive.
Julio barely gets the strength to tag José, who doesn't look so eager to get in there. José trying everything in his book, but Chris Powell picks him up and flings him to the Gallery's corner like a rag doll. He tags, and in comes Duane Diamond D. Duane grabs José by the neck and starts swinging him violently. The Mexican could break his neck right here on Nae Trous! The ref warning D, so he drops José into a chokeslam. He tags Chris Powell back and quickly slaps on a figure four. Chris Powell from behind José slaps on a full nelson...José is getting stretches from both ends! He's yelling for the bell!
And the Indestructibles pick up an easy win. I've never seen anything like them in my life!
At this rate, they'll pick up the belts in no time flat!
There you have it. Warrior Gods, Freaks, Inevitables, Generation X, we're not going anywhere, so be ready. And remember, we got the power, baby, 'cause we rule the WORLD! HA-LA!
They make me sick.
Next up, another newcomer, Johnny "Irish" Berkowski, as he takes on Friar "Buck", who's been dying to introduce his new valet.
This contest is set for one fall. Making his way towards the ring...
(Friar "Buck" enters and grabs the mic.)
Gratuitous Tina was sullied by that pimp Sweet Candy Andy. My new valet will not be swayed thusly, I guarantee it. May I present...WESTMINSTER ABBY!
(A woman dressed in a nun's habit enters. She is rather plump.)
And his opponent, from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing 313 lbs. and accompanied by Chubby the Polish Leprechaun, JOHNNY "IRISH" BERKOWSKI!
("Jump Around" by House of Pain plays. Johnny is 6'5". He wears black tights with a green shamrock on the sides and "Polski" in white on the back. Chubby is 6'3" and 500 lbs. Small pop with interspersed laughter.)
Hey Cap, doesn't Chubby look a little like Don "Jason" Howe, the guy who used to manage the Capital Punishers?
It's amazing what some people will do to feed their families.
Will you two shut up? It's not Howe.
Berkowski with the test-o'-strength on "Buck". Berkowski wins, "Buck" goes down. Johnny Irish applies the Polish Irish-American Fistdrop. Johnny now picks up the Friar and goes for the Polish-Irish-American-Irish whip.
Twice as Irish?
Don't ask me. Friar stops it and gives a boot to Berkowski. Berkowski right back up, and gives the Friar a Polish Irish-American Russian Leg Sweep.
Last I checked, Leg Sweeps did not belong to four nationalities at once.
Don't ask me! Berkowski is dominating here. Westminster Abby on the apron, yelling at the Friar to get back in this. Johnny Irish gets distracted...Friar Buck with a belly-to-back and covers: 1...2...kickout. Chubby pulls Abby off the apron. Friar is yelling at Chubby now, leaving Berkowski to apply the Polish Irish-American German suplex. Oh really, now, this is too much!
DON'T ASK ME!!! Berkowski now giving the sign...
Was it just me, or was that the sign language version of "United Nations"?
I think you're right, Jamal.
And here comes the Polish Irish-American Death Valley Driver!
Well, I can understand the American bit seeing as how Death Valley's in America...
Don't ask Angus.
Thank you. Johnny Irish covers: 1...2...3. Wow.
Here is your winner, JOHNNY "IRISH" BERKOWSKI!
A great debut. That's two great debuts in one night! We'll take a short break, and when we return, we'll see the rematch of Michael Wackson vs. BILL.
Heart-Breaking Hell is just one week away! Nobody leaves until somebody bleeds! You'll see great matches like: Ironman vs. DOOM
Anarchy vs. the Keeper
Pedro Chang vs. Michael Wackson
El Spheros vs. the Executioner
Gruff vs. Distruct
Bohemoth vs. Mr. Rage
The Warrior Gods vs. Generation X
Très Sheik and the Aboriginals vs. Cube and the Forces of Justice
The Dangerous Bombs vs. the Circus Freaks
and the Vegas Connection vs. the Inevitables!
Ten great matches, so order it today!
This episode of Monday Nae Trous is coming straight out of Der Kommissaar's pocket, because nobody bothered to buy some airtime. He hopes you're all happy.
We're back, and Michael Wackson has already defeated BILL. Let's take you to the replay.
You can see right here, BILL went for an immediate BILLplex, but Wackson sat up before falling, landing nicely. BILL however, landed on his head. Wackson quickly applied a Dragon Sleeper, but it was trivial because BILL had already lost consciousness. Wackson wins.
Oh well, that's how it goes.
I'm receiving word of another Keeper problem in the back! Let's go there now.
(Shot of the locker room. The Keeper is there with Stealth Bomber.)
The Keeper: I don't care if we are allies! You're keeping me from the BOY!
Stealth Bomber: Honest, man, I don't know a thing!
(Keeper picks up Stealth Bomber and chokeslams him onto an overturned locker. Repeatedly.)
Ouch! That Keeper certainly has a temper, and I think we can all blame Sugarplum Harry for it.
Why do you think he's doing this anyway?
Harry said he had a motive...and he'd show us all at HBH what it was.
Well, onto the final match of the evening, a non-title contest between Bohemoth and Anarchy. Both men in the ring now.
Bohemoth with a side headlock on Anarchy. Anarchy whips it into an armbar. Anarchy working the arm. Bohemoth gets out and a short clothesline by Bohemoth. Bohemoth to the middle rope for a splash. Lands it! This could be over quick: 1...kickout.
Anarchy's better than that. He beat 59 other guys at the Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl.
Well, he didn't throw OUT all of 'em...I mean Pepe took out four guys himself with the pogo stilt...
Anarchy with a reverse DDT. Anarchy picks him up and slams him right back down. Bohemoth rolls out of the ring. Anarchy follows. Bohemoth gets his white cane ready and whacks Anarchy with it! Anarchy didn't see that at all.
And Bohemoth only saw half of it.
What? Oh, right, half-blind. Bohemoth now takes his helmet and crushes it in Anarchy's face! The light bulb pops, and Anarchy's face is bleeding from the broken glass!
If this were HBH, Bohemoth would have won by now.
Bohemoth rolls into the ring while Anarchy is still rubbing his face. Anarchy gets in the ring just before the count-out. Anarchy can barely see with all that glass in his eyes! Anarchy still manages to plant a powerbomb nicely on Bohemoth. Anarchy drops for a cover...missing. Hooks air thinking it's a leg...what the hell?
This is gettin' STUpid!
We've got two half-blind guys in the ring! Nothing will get done!
Anarchy finds Bohemoth again, and applies a neckbreaker. Both men are down. The ref counts 1...2...3...4...5...6...Sasquatch comes to ringside and distracts the ref...7... ThatGuy from underneath the ring puts Bohemoth on Anarchy...the ref turns around: 1...2...3. Bohemoth wins! Bohemoth wins! Bohemoth gets a title shot the week after HBH. This win has just vaulted Bohemoth into the number 2 contention spot...but he still has to fight Rage at HBH. We've just received word that Stealth Bomber has sustained serious injuries, and the belt must be vacated! The tournament will begin the week after HBH. The competitors will be announced next week. Tune in to Friday Friday Friday. Zebulon will be in action, and the Keeper will take on Pepe, and more! Until next week, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, saying keep your pants off!
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre