(Interior pan of the Cowpie Palace. Two guys with sparklers and flare
guns start off the show with a bang. Girl Friday dances in the ring, and
in her left hand there is a slender belt with pink straps).
Welcome everyone to Friday Friday Friday. I'm your host, Angus "Vince" McMadden, and with me here as always is Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando.
Munch, Munch. Hi everybody, how's it going.
Thank goodness it's Friday, thats all I can say. It's been a heck of a week in STWF land, and tonight we have got some amazing matches lined up. Los Gringos Locos will take on the Forces of Justice, both of whom have been inactive in the STWF as of late. Later tonight we will see the debut of B.F. Sack as he takes on that ring vet, OddJobber.
That should be a classic.
Then we will see the debut of two new wrestlers, as the Tiger will fight Joe "Jamaican Jobber" Forbes. Finally we are in for a treat because Anarchy will try to beat Dr. Snare, the master of the Cage, at his own game.
Hey this looks like one of the best lineups we've ever had, Vince, I'm impressed.
Thank you Gary, I'm sure Der Kommissaar is touched by your praise.
Now entering the ring area, accompanied by their manager Domenic Oliver, Ironman and Pedro Chang, Los Gringos Locos! ("Man in a Box" by Alice in Chains begins to play)
And now with a combined weight of 580 pounds, from Washington DC and Shreveport, Louisiana, respectively, Judge and Preacher, The Forces of Justice. (The theme form Law and Order plays.) Both Judge and Preacher walk down the aisle, Judge with his robe, gavel, and tome. Preacher with his toga, walking stick and bible.
These Forces of Justice are great, they hate everybody. I sure hope Judge doesn't see me, both him and Preacher don't like me too much.
Me neither, I got a speeding ticket once, and Judge has never let me forget it. How does he find out about these things? Judge and Ironman lock up, Judge with a knee below the belt. Ironman is now cleaning the mat with his tears.
Looks like for all his high and mighty attitude, Judge doesn't mind breaking the rules a little. Judge now with a stomp to Ironman's head, he's making the best of Ironman's disadvantage while he can. Judge is going up top, because Ironman is still lying on the mat, he might be out. Judge with the elbow drop, ohh Ironman sticks up his leg and Judge plows right into it. Man that Judge is dumb, Ironman is the best in the business at lying down and then fooling you into making stupid mistakes like that one.
Ironman with the tag to Pedro Chang. Pedro grabs the stumbling Judge around the head and takes him for a ride from one end of the ring to the other. Huge Bulldog, and it looks like Judge just broke his nose on the mat!
Sure enough, Judge's nose is on his right cheek, now he looks more like a criminal than a Judge.
Judge is back on his feet, bleeding all over our nice clean mat, but he manages to stumble over to Preacher and tags him in. Preacher is taking it to the now overconfident Pedro Chang. Jeez, some of these guys get one hit in on a guy and they think the match is over. Preacher with a vertical suplex on Pedro Chang. The entire ring rocks with the impact. Preacher with the cover. 1..2.. ohh, Chang kicks out just in time. Preacher leg sweeps Chang, and down he comes. He wraps two meaty hands around Chang's throat. He's got him in the Camel Clutch. Judge is trying to get in to finish the job, but in so doing the ref is distracted by trying to stop him.
Here come's Ironman with a chair. Bamm, Preacher is out like a light. Ironman slinks out of the ring, and the ref sees Chang with the cover. The ref scratches his head, then remembers he's supposed to count. 1..2..3. This one is done.
Here are your winners by pinfall Los Gringos Locos.
Up next we B.F. Stack, as he makes his STWF debut against Oddjobber.
I've heard good things about this guy. He is a very technical wrestler, once he gets that Domino Effect on, he usually ends a guys career if they don't submit fast enough.
Currently in the ring, weighing in at 241 pounds, accompanied by nobody, OddJobber! (Huge crowd pop for this guy, no boos.) (The theme from Sandford and Son begins to play, and Big Daddy Panama comes out with a microphone.)
Listen all of you, yeah you, shut up. Right now you are going to see a great man punk the you know what out of that old fart in the ring, so just have a little respect, will you.
And now, weighing in at 282 lbs, B.F. Sack. (He comes in staring at the ring, nothing can distract him.)
How dare that guy tell me to shut up. I was just ordering a refill of my popcorn barrel. Big Daddy better watch out, he might just get a bucket full of popcorn shoved up his
And here we go with the standard lockup. OddJobber with a pathetic kick to B.F. Sack's midsection, and all he gets for that effort is the hint of a smile on Sacks's face. Sack just grabs onto Oddjobbers hair and tosses him across the ring, where he bounces off the ropes, and into a clothesline from Sack.
Sack is now working on OddJobbers old gimpy knees. He wraps him around in a spinning toe-hold, and drops to the mat, putting tremendous pressure on that right knee of Oddjobbers.
OddJobber is just screaming in pain, but he has enough sense to kick Sack in the face. The crowd cheers! Sack up, wiping the look of pain off his face, and now grabs onto both of OddJobber's arms and drags him out to the ropes. OddJobber is shaking his head no, but out Sack goes taking OddJobber's arms with him.
Big Daddy is shouting instructions to Sack, and now Sack is rolling back in, what could they be up to I wonder.
What's this?? A figure four armlock, ohh here we go, now the Boston Crab in combination, lets see if this Domino Effect works.
OddJobber is unable to submit, trying to get out somehow, ohh did you hear that tearing sound? The ref is asking OddJobber if he wants to give up, but he can't say yes, so the ref rings the bell.
Here is your winner by submission, B.F. Sack.
Impressive debut for the first of many newcomers here in the STWF. Next up we have the debut of two more wrestlers, but first some special announcements.
You've seen some pretty weird and crazy things here in the STWF. From amputations in the ring, to lunatics pointing imaginary bats and the participation of various animals in wrestling. But hey, you haven't seen anything yet! Here's a sample of who's coming.
He is called Nip the Necrophiliac. The name says it all, he is a tall, sickly looking man, who carries with him a 98-year-old dead llama, named Bunny. We don't know much about his wrestling ability, but when asked about his name, Nip replied "I Love to LOVE dead people".
Then there is Prisoner X. Is he recently parolled, a reformed criminal? Nope, he comes to wrestle with armed guards. According to sources, it's part of a deal he made with the warden, so that Prisoner X can work out his homicidal tendencies by wrestling. Apparently, too many of his fellow prisoners have died, so they've set him loose here, for your entertainment!
The Tibetan Monk is another rather strange fellow. It seems that he very simply hates everyone but fellow Buddhist Monks. When asked about the Dali Lama, his manager, Tibetan Monk simply flattened the questioner.
None of these men are to be trifled with, and I feel sorry for the first guy to take on Nip.
Ohh boy, things are really heating up here in the STWF. With all these new guys coming in here, they are really going to give the established wrestlers a run for their money.
All I know is that Der Kommissaar had better not stick me in there with Nip the Necrophiliac, or he and I are going to have words.
Look for more announcements on Monday Nae Trous. Next, Tiger will take on Joe "Jamaican Jobber" Forbes.
Are you serious, some guy actually wants to have jobber in his name.
Currently in the ring, in his first appearance here in the STWF, Joe "the Jamaican Jobber" Forbes. And now, hailing from Richmond, Virginia, and weighing in at hmmmmm, an unknown weight, Tiger. (Eye of the Tiger plays, Tiger quickly strips off his leather jacket, and runs into the ring, immediately attacking the waiting Forbes).
And here we go right off the bat, Tiger is pounding away on Forbes, but Forbes is giving back as much as he is getting. Already he has shown himself to be superior to OddJobber.
Come on Vince, the match just started, give Forbes time, I'm sure he will show us all why he is called the Jobber.
Be that as it may, but Forbes is putting up a hell of a fight. He executes a DDT on the Tiger, and then drops a leg on the back of Tiger's head. Forbes rolls him over and 1..2.., kickout by the Tiger. Oh boy that was really close. Both men are up. Forbes with his head down running at Tiger. Leapfrog by Tiger, Forbes bounces off the ropes, and Tiger catches him on the rebound. Bodyslam by the Tiger on Forbes. Tiger hooks the leg, 1..2..kickout by Forbes. These two right back at exchanging closed fists right and lefts. Tiger with a huge uppercut on Forbes and he tumbles back into a corner. Tiger on the second rope pounding his fist into Forbes' face. 1,2,....,9,10. Ref is warning off Tiger, but he just pushes the ref away and starts kicking Forbes repeatedly in the stomach. This match has turned into a savage beating all of a sudden, what happened?
I don't know, Forbes must have really pissed Tiger off or something, this is what happens when jobbers think they are better than they are.
Tiger with the Superplex on Forbes. Tiger avoids going for the pin, and he is now motioning to the crowd for the rack. He grabs up Forbes and lifts him high in the air, trying to crack his back. The ref sees Forbs giving up, and we have our second submission of the night.
Here is your winner by Submission, Tiger. Tiger still looks mad, I think he's embarrassed that he had to take on a guy like Joe "Jamaican Jobber" Forbes in his first match. But here comes StreetMime! As JJJ gets up, the bat is pointed. What does this mean? I don't understand it! Forbes feels offended...the Jobber Time chop is applied to StreetMime, and resident mime is down. So much for that. The cage is quickly being set up for our next match, which is a fight between Dr. Snare and Anarchy. What do you think about this one Gary?
Huh...Oh sorry, I snoozed off after that last one-sided one. Well, I really have to go with the Docta on this one. Anarchy can fight and beat some of the best, but Snare is almost unbeatable in the cage. I think he will prove that he is the "Master of the Cage Match", once again here tonight.
Now entering the cage, hailing from Birmingham, United Kingdom, and weighing in at 250 lbs, a member of Apocalypse, Anarchy. (Theme from Batman plays).
Coming down the aisle, at a weight of 275 pounds, from Jackson, Tennesee, The Master of the Cage Match, Dr. Snare.
These two are as closely matched as can be. Both are the best at what they do, and they can both do a lot of damage. By the time this match is through, only one man will be left standing. The two lock up, Snare immediately whips Anarchy into the ropes, Anarchy tries to stop his momentum, but he crashes into the metal cage with a clang. Anarchy falls, but is back up like a cat, and he circles Dr. Snare looking for an opening. Dr. Snare gets sick of waiting, and rushes Anarchy, but Anarchy with a huge hiptoss on the Doctor, and this time its Dr. Snare clanging off the cage, but upside down.
The inside word is these two just plain don't like each other too much. Right now it certainly looks like they aren't exactly the best of friends, what with Anarchy kicking in Dr. Snare's face like that.
Yes folks, I hope you didn't tune in to see a technical match up here, these two are just trying to do as much damage as possible. When one of these guys can't get back up, the other is going to make a run for the hills.
Snare just caught Anarchy's leg in mid kick and bit a chunk out of it, man that's gross! While Anarchy howls in pain, Snare grabs him up and gives him a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Amazing power from the Doctor.
Snare sees Anarchy lying there, and decides to make a break for it. He's going up, but what is that, scooting up the side of the cage.
It's one of them what do ya call em, you know those clay thingees that the gay guy has.
Sugarplum Harry is not gay, and yes that golem just bit at Dr. Snare's nose as he pushed up over the cage. Snare falls back to the mat more in surprise than pain, and Anarchy sees this and takes advantage. Anarchy goes attacks Dr. Snare, delivering rights and lefts, with an amazing burst of energy. Snare is just reeling on his feet, Anarchy delivers a mightly uppercut, and Snare is now sitting on the top rope.
Snare is so punch drunk that he doesn't know where he is, kind of like the way I feel on a Saturday night. If Snare only woke up he would get the heck out of Anarchy's office.
Anarchy has Snare's head between his thighs, setting up for the piledriver off the top rope. Pulls him up, and jumps....He hits it, the Doomsday, just devastating, Dr. Snare is unconscious.
I can't believe it, Anarchy is going to beat Snare at his own game, there's no way that Snare is going to wake up from that Doomsday thing.
But wait, here comes Prisoner X, running from the law again. That big cop almost caught him, but now X is climbing the cage, he runs into Anarchy going up and over and shoves the Englishman over the side, but back into the ring!!! Prisoner X howls in triumph, thinking that he has escaped, but now he sees all the bars.
Oh my god, he's going absolutely Bug<-BLEEP->, he just grabbed the defenseless heads of Anarchy and Dr. Snare and bashed them together, again and again. Both those guys have had it, and X is now grabbing onto the bars and yelling to be let out, that he didn't mean to kill the nice wrestlers.
The ref has had enough, how's he going to call this one.
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest's winner, as a result of a disqualification, ANARCHY!
Surely the ref can't believe that Dr. Snare and Prisoner X are in cahoots after what X just did to Snare's head. But there you have it folks another Fantastic Friday Friday Friday has come to its controversial end. On Monday, the Rogue will address everyone about the Chris Powell hoax, along with a ceremonial belt presentation. But join us here next week for another Freaky Friday Friday Friday, because one Friday is never enough. TGIF.
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre