Friday Friday Friday #21
(The Friday Friday Friday introduction is shown. The
camera pans the arena before settling on the announcing
team of McMadden and Twilight.)
Welcome to FFF #21, everybody! We've got
another large and marginally interested crowd on our hands
tonight! I'm Vince "Angus" McMadden, and along side me
once again this week is Captain Twilight.
Hello again, fans, I'm Vince McMadden...
No, you're not!
We've got a great show lined up for you tonight, fans.
We have a non-title match between Milwaukee's Best and
the Circus Freaks in a PPV preview match, douja battles
the Doomsday Chicken. Shoot-For-Loot sees another PPV
preview as Sally Sleepy-Time takes on Iceberg. But first up,
the Bad A$$es take on Nik at Nyte.
All hail Mr.Fred.
OK, and we're set to go here in our Mighty Bastard Psycho
Driver Tag Title Tournament. "Chris" to start things off
against Darren #3. They lock up. Darren #3 with a whip to
the ropes . . . double-leg takedown! Darren is all over Chris!
Darren #3 has seized the early momentum, Cap.
YOU are Captain Twilight, not me.
Chris able to escape Darren's fists by getting to the
ropes. Chris tags in "Mark," the aptly-named other Bad@$$.
Mark now with a kick to Darren's midsection. Now a chop to
the trapezius! Blows to the solarplexus!
Isn't that what got "President" Clinton into trouble?
There's no place for high brow political humor
on Friday Friday Friday! Our demographics indicate that our average
viewer is a male between the age of 20-45 who did not
graduate from high school, and has lost the remote control,
thus rendering him unable to change the channel.
Zzzzzzz . . .
Anyway, Mark has seized control of this match for
the Bad@$$es . . . looks like we could see some double
team work here by Mark and Chris. Mark holds Darren near
the corner as Chris climbs the post. Looks like an aerial
maneuver coming up.
What's Mr.Fred doing?
Uh-oh! Mr.Fred butts the post, causing Chris to fall to
the concrete on the outside! Uh-oh, Mr.Fred sitting on the
face of Bad@$$ Chris!
This match is effectively a handicap match now,
(sigh) Anyway, the ref goes outside to try and get
Mr.Fred off of Chris. Darren tags in Ricardo now . . . who
clocks Mark with a bongo drum!!! He gives the drum to
Darren, who hides it under the ring. Ricardo gets the
referee's attrention and . . . 1 . . . 2 . . . 3! That's it, Nik at
Nyte moves on, albeit through dirty play.
Speaking of dirty, we had better get somebody
out here before Chris suffocates under the posterior of the
crafty Mr. Fred!
Well, while that's happening, lets move on to our next
match. It'll be a Shoot-for-Loot bout between Sally Sleepy-
Time and Iceberg.
This should be a close one! I'm predicting a draw!
We can't have a draw, but whatever you say, Captain
Here we go. Iceberg looks determined. He
lands the first punch! Sally answers right back, though, with
Hey, isn't that what got Pres . . .
We heard that one already, and that's the end of
round one. Iceberg landed the most punches, but Sally's
freshly-changed diaper allows him to stay even at 1-1.
I have a freshly-changed diaper . . . do I get a
OK, you got me, it hasn't been changed in a
couple of days.
Uhhh . . . round 2 now. Sally comes out like a man
possessed! Vicious punches landing on Iceberg! Iceberg is
busted! Iceberg staggering around, unable to defend
himself. And that's it for round two, but no need to wait for
the judges to tell us who landed the most punches in that
Iceberg's down 2-1 now, and is lucky he wasn't
KO'd in that round!
You're right about that! Of course, if Iceberg can
knock Sally down, it'll probably be over, so look
for Iceberg to go for the KO in this round.
Here we go. Iceberg is still a little groggy. He's swinging wildly, trying
to go for a knock-down.
He's leaving himself open for counter-punches
Yes, and, although those punches aren't going to
knock Iceberg out, they WILL win Sally another point. Time
running out, and a TAKEDOWN BY ICEBERG!
Wow, Sally was luck he landed on his ample stomach,
or that might've been it!
And that's it! We have a draw! You were right, Cap!
Looks like we'll head into over . . . wait . . . I've just been
handed a paper with the heading "From the Desk of Der
Kommissaar." It says that the match at the PPV will
determine who will advance in this tournament. Well, I have
to say that that doesn't make much sense, seeing as how
this is a shoot tournament and the PPV is worked. What do
you think, Captain Twilight?
How dare you question the decision of the
allmighty Kommissaar! (Gets on his knees and bows to the
ground. Creaks and cracks are heard as he attempts to get
into this position.) ALL MUST KNEEL BEFORE THE
POWER OF DER KOMISSAAR!!!
Get up. The Rogue is coming to ringside. In fact, he's running!
Running?!? I can relate to that. Has he borrowed money from the mob?
No, I don't believe so.
Well, we haven't seen this young man for a long time!
I know! And he looks more than a little perturbed! I wonder what
he's up to?
Be quiet and let him speak.
Well this is a rare occurrence, so let's listen in!
(fans boo loudly.)
Listen you pot-bellied, unhygienic, intoxicated ignoramuses!
Is he talking to the Aboriginals?
No, he's talking to the fans.
Could have fooled me!
When Mister Numero Uno talks, it's a big deal; and this my inferiors,
is a VERY big deal! I'm going to try to be quick, because this
interview time was not scheduled and I'm not supposed to be out here
right now. Just try to keep up. Now normally I'd come out here saying
something like "When you're Number One, there's so much to get done",
but right now, for me, there isn't. Last FFF, I saw some poor slob,
like you people in the audience, holding up a sign saying "Where's the
Rogue?". Yes, where was the Rogue? Why have you miserable urchins been
robbed of my exalted presence these last few weeks and months? Well
that's what I'm here to tell you.
Now of course all you morons know that I, the Rogue, hold a prestigious
spot on the STWF executive committee. But, unfortunately, and
unexplainably, I have no greater say on the board than any other exec!!
In the last few months, for reasons unbeknownst to myself, I have fallen
out of favour with the other members of the committee (My hunch is that
they didn't take too kindly of me switching their Viagra pills with
(Fans boo vigorously)
Guess we have a lot of fans who don't particularly care for Pez.
Ha! I'm guessing that we have a lot of fans who can't get past half
Are you saying we have a lot of flag aficionados here?
Anyway, my point is that for one reason or another, the other execs
took it upon themselves to conspire against me. They stifled and
suffocated my Gallery!! They did everything in their power to deter us
from greatness in the STWF! Whenever I tried to set up a big title
match, they'd alter the rankings as an excuse to rob us of our shot.
Then they'd provide incentive for those who we did manage to secure a
match with, offering them new cars and big pushes to beat us, and
throwing in clauses preventing us from stopping them! Hey, how'd you
think Sunflower got over so quick?
You think we don't get secondary treatment? How about another example:
Other wrestlers each get suites at 4-star hotels, equipped with King
size beds, shoe buffers, and air conditioning. They gave the gallery one
single motel room for the seven of us on the road; all with one bed and
poor ventilation! YOU try sleeping on the floor on a hot summer night
next to the Sheik without proper ventilation and see how ready YOU are
to step in the ring the next day!!
Not enough for you? I have more:
Other wrestlers get lean chicken breast pre-match to provide protein for
their muscles. The Gallery gets a half empty box of soda crackers and a
can of sliced beets.
Other wrestlers get free unlimited memberships at exclusive and well
equipped gyms, and qualified personal trainers to help them compete at
their peak physical condition. The gallery gets a used thighmaster, and
a "Sweating to the Oldies" tape with bad tracking.
Other wrestlers get makeup and wardrobe people to take care of their
cosmetics. We've got Rhythm back there powdering our noses, and Blues
is mending the letters back on to Khorne's trunks!
Now this is what I have to say to the my retarded fellow committee
(mic goes out. Rogue looks disgusted. Fans cheer)
Get somebody out here to fix the mic!
Sorry Cap, but I just got word from the men in the truck that we
have to run a commercial.
We have a truck? Even still, we have 5 minutes until the next scheduled break, and he
isn't done talking!!
I know, but if that's what the boss wants then we have to go to
commercial! I'm sorry, but it's not up to me!
Hi. Remember me? I'm Fred Meatnsaucy, that creepy owner of Meatnsaucy powdered gravy.
It's the gravy with the chunks! It's full of country-style goodness, and contains very little lead!
Why not pick up a packet on the long ride home. You'll be glad you did, because not only is it great sauce,
it also makes a superior tire patch! Mmm, mmm, Meatnsaucy.
Please consult a physician before using Meatnsaucy powdered gravy. Do not operate heavy machinery
while under the influence of Meatnsaucy powdered gravy.
NEW! From STWF home video! It's Asylum Anarchy '98!
Relive all of the action from this yet-to be aired PPV. How
can we get a tape of a PPV that hasn't happened yet, you
ask? Are you kidding? I guess you pukes believe in the
Tooth Fairy, too! ORDER TODAY OR FEEL THE WRATH
OF DER KOMMISSAAR!!!
And, we're back. Next up, we have a non-title match
between Milwaukee's Best and the Circus Freaks. We
haven't heard much from MB over the past few weeks,
despite the fact that they are the tag champs, and we haven't
heard ANYTHING from the Circus Freaks. I guess that's
probably the reason for this PPV preview. To remind the
fans who these guys are.
The Circus who?
And we're set to go. Beast Light and Dizzy Desi to
start things off. Dizzy Desi going to work right away. Belly
to belly suplex by Desi. Picks up BL by the head, side-
suplex by Desi! Picks him up again . . . vertical suplex by
Desi! Another pickup. Double-underhook suplex by Dizzy
Wow. If there were, like, some sort of
equipment, like a machine, and that equipment were used to
create wrestling moves, namely suplexes, then Dizzy Desi
could be that equipment.
Yep, maybe he's been in Japan the past few weeks.
Anyway. Desi still in control. Desi going for that Corkscrew
Moonsault of his it appears. He's climbing the turnbuckle,
but Beast Light is able to get up! He tags in Beast! Desi
goes for the moonsault, but Beast catches him! Gorilla
press slam. Beast pummelling Dizzy Desi now! Desi's
various secretions are flying all over the ring!
Hey, isn't that what got President . . .
SHUT UP! Beast continues the assault.
Powerbomb! Beast is taking too much time to gloat,
however, and Desi has had time to reach Sasquatch.
Business is about to pick up! Here comes
Thanks, JR. As Sasquatch and Beast stare each
other down, Bohemoth has entered the ring with a steel
He clobbers Beast! Here comes Beast Light in . . .
and HERE COMES THE REST OF THE INNER CIRCLE!!!
And here comes the Alliance right behind them.
This is going to be the kind of brawl that will . . . uh . . . build
interest in the PPV.
Uhhh...yeah. Anyway, a melee has ensued in the
middle of the ring! Bodies are flying eveywhere. Sally
clobbers Prisoner X. Tiger nails Bohemoth
with the Tiger Driver.
Americans would know that move better as a
Yeah. Anyway, security has started to get this
situation under control, and it looks like we'll be able to move
Not so fast there. I still need to do an interview segment.
(enters the ring)
Greetings to all. This is the Twilight Zone, with me, Captain Twilight.
I was asked to bring my interview segment back - again - but don't worry,
it never lasts. My guest this week is the newest member of the Total Annihilation
Squad. Please welcome the Violent Pacifist!
(his theme plays as he enters the ring to a decent pop)
Thanks for being here, but let's get right to it.
We've all heard your remarks now about looking for protection and joining a
stable. The Total Annihilation Squad seems a little contrary to your beliefs,
so the big question is, why them?
Violent Pacifist:My biggest concern when choosing which stable to join, wasn't so much the
beliefs, but who can help me, and who would most appreciate my help. As you
know, I choose not to be a violent person, unless violence is brought upon me.
I feel that the Total Annihilation Squad can help my rise through the STWF
rankings. It will be just a matter of time before the entire STWF becomes
How do you feel you fit into this group? Are you looking for a leadership
role, or do you plan to follow Strep's guidance?
My role in TAS is very simple, I am here to assist my fellow members to get to
the heirarchy of the STWF, and to bring the blood pressure level down through
group meditation exercises. Through Strep's guidence and hard work from
everyone involved, we can conquer the STWF and "peacefully" annihilate the
Now that you're in a stable, who do you have your sights set on next?
I hope to receive a title opportunity soon, on my way to a "peaceful" conquest
of the STWF. I have seen that many of the top contenders are in stables with
many members. I chose the stable with perhaps the biggest and baddest members.
I want to make the other members of TAS proud, and I want to prove myself a
vital member to the stable.
You've made it known that you want to shoot for the North American strap.
Carnage currently holds the #2 contender spot. Is there any tension on that
front; do you see him as an obstacle?
I am very supportive of my brother in the TAS, I have no hard feelings toward
him and I hope he feels the same. If our paths cross in the future, we will do
what we must, but we are and always will be united.
As this interview closes, is there anything else you'd like to say?
Wrestler Smurf, it's very simple. You will go down to defeat, and you will
lose your title, whether it be to me or Carnage, you will be "Totally
Thank you. (both leave the ring)
I thought that went rather well.
That being done, on to our main event . . . douja vs. The Doomsday Chicken?
THAT'S our main event?
We've got a PPV coming up! You can't expect
Der Kommissaar to put on great matches right now. ALL
HAIL DER KOMMISSAAR!
Shut up. Well, here we go. douja looks a little worse
for wear. What's the inside scoop, Cap?
A law was passed recently that mandates that
every wrestling promotion must have at least one wrestler
who incorporates a substance abuse problem into his
What about the Aboriginals? Wait...we're actually considered a legitimate promotion?
Neat. Anyway, douja in conrol with a top wristlock. Takes
down the Doomsday Chicken with a snap suplex! The
Chicken answers with a whip to the ropes . . . lariat!
Nice recovery by The Doomsday Chicken.
douja, who wasn't that steady to begin with, looks
like he was really shaken up by that lariat. Doomsday
Chicken is taking this opportunity to gloat.
(Doomsday Chicken struts around like, uh, a chicken)
Doomsday Chicken: LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE,
DOUJA! CLUCK, CLUCK!
(crowd pops for DC's zany antics)
Doomsday Chicken with a neckbreaker. I think douja
might be out cold here.
He needs da reefa!
Anyway, all DC has to do is go for a cover here.
Wait a sec, who's that? A guy in a suit and a couple of cops
are coming down the aisle. They are entering the ring, much
to the consternation of the Doomsday Chicken. The suit is
reading something to DC, while the cops are cuffing him.
They're hauling his chicken butt out of here!
Wait, I recognize that guy! It's Michael Buffer's lawyer!
And the ref continues the count. Well, douja may not
realize it for a few days, but he has won by count-out. And
that's all the time we have this week, thankfully. And that
brings an end to a lackluster FFF. On behalf of Captain Twilight, I'm Angus
"Vince" McMadden saying order Asylum Anarchy '98, and tune in next week for Friday
Friday Friday, because one Friday is never enough.
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre